I'm not going back to New York
by preciselypotter
Summary: After Chuck and Blair's wedding, Dan moves across the country to find a new path - but every new thing just leads back to what he left behind. Future fic, AU with eventual Dair.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm not going back to New York**

.

He knows no one's going to say "Poor Dan" over it. He was a groomsman in the wedding, after all, which is becoming a worrying habit – is he always going to be the groomsman in Blair's weddings?

He was the one who sat Blair down and told her to stop with her shit and make a choice. She was suffering from a perverse need to punish herself, and for what? She wanted Chuck, Chuck wanted her, acting as though any of it was impossible was stupid and it wasn't Blair. Blair made things happen and damn the consequences if she really wanted it.

He was the one who told Chuck to propose in Tuscany. Blair once told Dan about how Chuck stood her up the summer between junior and senior year (she was drunk during the telling of it), and he told Chuck that it would righting one of the very first wrongs he'd done against her. Dan would like to think Chuck righted all of his wrongs against her, but that was wishful thinking.

He was the one who sat with Blair as she panicked on the wedding day, wearing yet another Vera Wang, and told her that he wouldn't take her to the Dominican Republic again for a hasty divorce; she had to decide what she wanted to do _now_.

He was the one who saw Chuck and Blair off on their honeymoon waving them goodbye as they boarded the Bass company jet and joking about keeping an eye on Nate while they were gone. Dan hid his grimace of pain behind a smile and hugged Blair so tightly she gasped for air, and she had tears in her eyes when they parted. He knew they were tears of happiness.

So who's going to say "Poor Dan" about it all?

Dan finishes packing up the boxes and gives the bare loft a final, nostalgic look.

Time to move on.

.

He takes to Los Angeles a lot better than he'd imagined. CeCe loves having him there; Dan has this sneaking suspicion that she wants him by her side all the time, like a favorite grandson. She wanted him in her family one way or another, be it with Serena or through their parents' marriage.

"How are you settling in?" she asks one morning over breakfast.

"I love the view," he confesses. "You have such a beautiful home; I didn't know houses could be this big."

She smiles a little condescendingly, but if he's honest, that superiority complex why he likes her so much. "Yes, everything in New York is awfully cramped. California is much more about the sprawl than the floor number."

Dan decides he likes the sprawl. For the first time since Blair decided she wanted Chuck, only Chuck, no more second guesses or resisting the "inevitable," he can breathe.

.

Alessandra gets him in contact with a friend of hers, Meghan Muirs. Meghan is direct and to-the-point and Dan's more than thrilled to have her as his new agent. He still talks to Alessandra, of course, because she was a fantastic first agent to have and he genuinely _likes_ her as a person and a friend.

Meghan pushes Dan to write something _Inside_-related, but not a sequel.

Dan comes up with a spin-off about Clair and Sabrina, and then (he's really becoming Hollywood) decides that he wants to make this a script instead of a book.

So he rewrites _Inside_, sort of molds it a little and makes it much more about the two girls than his pathetic love-life. It's about best friends and sisters and the control issues Blair and Serena have, but how much they love each other despite all that, and Nate's a huge part of the story this time.

His little apology to Nate after conflating him with Eric the first time.

It's weird how, even though he's writing all about Blair in this script, he doesn't think about her so much anymore.

He doesn't watch _The Philadelphia Story_ and think, gee, isn't that just like us? He doesn't walk past theaters and wonder if Blair's seen any of the films and what her opinions are on them and if she'd recommend anything. He doesn't go to art exhibits and try to figure out what Blair's observations about this piece or that would be.

Okay, yeah, he does, but he doesn't do it quite so often as he used to in New York.

.

Eric comes out to visit during his spring break.

"I can't handle mom right now," he says, rolling his eyes.

Sarah Lawrence is good to this guy. Eric looks relaxed for the first time in years instead of run ragged being the only sane person in the Upper East Side. Yeah, Dan counts himself in the Upper East Side.

"That's understandable," Dan allows, "But is CeCe really better?"

"She's drunk a lot more," answers Eric. "She's more fun."

Later, when they're walking along the pier, Eric finally says it.

"Blair's pregnant."

.

Oh.

She's pregnant.

Again.

This time, there's no need for a paternity test. The baby is very obviously Chuck's. Who else would it belong to?

Dan lays awake thinking about it in his too-big bed in this too-big house and goddamn it, he knew Blair and Chuck would be having a million babies and lots of sex and growing old together but…

Why does this still hurt like a punch to the gut?

.

Dan does some rewriting on his script before showing it to Meghan. When he does, she's ecstatic.

"We are putting this out tomorrow," she proclaims. "I know at least ten studios that would kill to get this. Maybe you could get Harvey Weinstein's attention after that whole debacle last year. New story, new directions, same characters…"

"Almost the same characters," he's quick to point out.

Meghan waves her hand impatiently. "Imagine if we got someone big for Clair's part. Emma Stone's getting too old for high school roles, but wouldn't that be a kick anyway?"

He doesn't question her enthusiasm about possible interest in this script.

Everyone in Hollywood's jaded; it's why Dan fits in so well. Meghan's the one person he's met besides waiters with scripts or acting lessons that still has some hope left in her.

.

When Eric leaves a few days later, he asks Dan to come back with him.

"Blair really wants to see you," he says in that annoying, wiser-than-thou matchmaking voice of his.

"No she doesn't," Dan replies. "You want me to see _her_."

"Okay, yeah, but still. You guys are best friends."

"I'm not going back to New York," he tells his stepbrother, and that's the end of that conversation.

Besides, what does he have in New York anymore? A stepsister who wants to have sex with him? A dad and stepmom so absorbed in each other they don't notice their children's pain? A best friend more interested in his magazine than his family and friends? Chuck and Blair?

No, Los Angeles is better for him.

.

Within two days (only two!), a studio has picked up the _Rumors_ script. That's what he settled on for a name. Dan almost wanted to call it _Gossip Girl_ but figured the online blogger would not be too happy about it.

That or too happy.

During the first negotiations meeting, the proposed director (a woman named Allison Thompson) is gushing about the connection between the two girls.

"I can't believe you're a man," she says, oblivious to the stomp on Dan's ego. "The friendship between Clair and Sabrina is so layered and genuine. I love how that's the most important part of the story, not the romance."

"I thought most women liked romance," he mutters.

"Oh, only when there's nothing more important," Allison tells him. "_Sex and the City_ was popular because of the friendship between the four women, after all. Romance is great when it's a bonus, though."

That's probably the most heartening thing Dan's ever heard.

The studio producers, though, they have some complaints. They say the ending is too melancholy, that Clair and Sabrina should end up with Nick and Dylan because audiences love a happy ending.

"It is a happy ending," Meghan argues on his behalf. "It's just not romantic."

Dan knows he and Meghan will fight until every single producer yields. She's a great agent to have.

.

CeCe has Dan take her out dancing one night with all her rich friends.

"This is my grandson," she says proudly, over and over. "He's a best-selling author and only twenty-one years old!"

"Have I heard of this book?" her friends ask.

He smiles politely and says, "It's called _Inside_."

If they've heard of it, gushing and admiration. If they haven't, CeCe tells them they "must buy a copy immediately; it's a wonderful read!"

As his biggest supporter, CeCe drops little hints that _Inside _is being adapted for film.

She was the first person Dan showed his script to, after all. Her enjoyment of Sabrina's mother Darla is too gleeful, considering the character isn't so much a character as she is a caricature.

.

The negotiations finish within the month and casting notices start going out.

_Sabrina: a bubbly, beautiful blonde. Seventeen years old with lots of money and a carefree, caring spirit. Has an aura that draws everyone to her side. Must be 18 or older to audition._

_Clair: scheming brunette, terrifying and vulnerable at the same time. Seventeen years old with lots of money and a need to prove herself. Must be 18 or older to audition._

_Nick: devastatingly handsome blonde, heartthrob of girls and boys alike. Lots of money and responsibility, but more interested in smoking weed or sailing. Must be 18 or older to audition._

_Dylan: reasonably attractive brunette. Middle-class with a love of writing poetry, fondness for cigarettes and black coffee. Judgmental but secretly romantic. Must be 18 or older to audition._

_Charlie: funny, charming, attractive – any hair color acceptable. Perverse sense of humor, more money than imaginable, confident and smooth. Has a dark side to him. Must be 18 or older to audition._

_Frankie: fourteen-year-old blonde girl, middle-class and social climber. Interested in fashion and the in-crowd, very naïve to the world she wants to inhabit. Must be 14 or older to audition._

The main parts are just like he imagined. It's a little funny to Dan that Dylan is supposed to be "reasonably attractive" instead of "devastatingly handsome" like Nick.

Funny, because those weren't the words he used for Dylan. "Pale and introverted." "Could be attractive with the proper care, but doesn't care much about his appearance." "Shaggy."

.

When Eric comes to visit for a few weeks during his summer break, Serena tags along.

"I heard about the movie," she says, and she sounds mad.

"It's not like the book," promises Dan. "It's what the book would have been if I had time to edit it. Sabrina's a lot more well-rounded."

"Can I read the script?" Serena wants to know.

He shakes his head. "I want you to be surprised."

.

Meghan has him look over some of the bigger-named stars the studio is trying to get, and Dan sees with some surprise that Olivia Burke is listed for Sabrina.

"Let me make a call," he tells her, and dials Olivia's number.

She's delighted to hear from him, something Dan didn't expect. He thought she'd hate him after what happened with Vanessa.

So he explains the movie, and the role he wants her to play, and does she remember Serena because it's kind of based off her and he can't think of anyone more warm or affectionate to bring dimensions to Sabrina.

Olivia says yes, yes, send me the script and I'll make an official decision, but unofficially yes, because I'm so proud of you Dan, I'm so proud that you got to this place in your career. You deserve this, Dan.

He thinks it might be nice to get in a relationship with her again. If she's available, anyway. God knows he is.

.

After CeCe's been put to bed drunk one night, Dan goes to his room to get some much needed sleep.

He finds Serena in there. She's wearing nothing but lingerie and a kittenish smile, and she's splayed out on his bed, like, what do you say, Dan, don't you want this?

Oh, he does. He really does.

But what he ends up doing is kissing her on the forehead and saying, no, now's not our time anymore. I love you and you're gorgeous and I want you, but we can't do this.

When she asks why, he gets painfully honest.

He tells her that he'd imagine her breasts smaller and her hair brown and her eyes brown and her body shorter, he'd imagine her as Blair and how is that fair to anyone?

Serena doesn't cry or pout like a child.

She cries and pouts like a grown woman with a broken heart.

.

Sometimes he'll wake up in the middle of the night and wonder where the hell he is, even after nearly six months of living here. He'll feel around blindly in a panic, and for a second he thinks "oh, this is Blair's bed" as though he's fallen asleep while watching a movie with her.

Then it hits him. He's here, Blair is in New York and she's married to the man she loves more than anything. More than anyone.

Dan wishes he were over her. He _should_ be over her by now, he should have healed from this unrequited love. It's not as though he's painted a picture of flawless Blair in his mind to worship; hardly.

He loves her horrible lack of respect for her peers and anyone less privileged than she, he loves her ability to deny anything to herself, he loves her rigid determination to make a plan and stick to it, he loves her neurotic desire for control, he loves her desire for dominance even when it kicks the people she cares about in the teeth, including him. God, he even loves the way she loves Chuck Bass.

It's stupid. Blair's the girl for him, maybe, but he's definitely not the guy for her.

Hopefully it will fade over time, that this isn't the lot of his life.

Dan wishes he'd slept with Serena.

.

Olivia's dating someone, as it turns out. Some musician or something.

Oh, well.

.

Word's out about _Rumors_, about the pre-production and how it's based on _Inside_ and how Dan Humphrey wrote both the book and the screenplay.

Meghan's thrilled by the exposure, she wants him to play it up as much as possible. He's not really sure how to do that on his own. CeCe is convinced the best way is to continue taking her out to parties and such, as if that will make him popular.

Serena and Eric tag along. Serena does him a favor by using her it-girl status to attract attention to him.

She won't go _there_ with him again, though. No more fake-dating, no more attempts to get back together with him.

It's a mercy, and he thanks her from the bottom of his heart.

No matter what he feels about Blair now, or about anyone else in the future, Serena was his first love and she's still one of the best things in his life. To pretend he doesn't care for her deeply… that would be foolish. And pointless.

.

**Matthew Golde:** Hi, how are you today?  
><strong>Dan Humphrey:<strong> I'm doing great, thanks. How are you?

**MG:** Just fine, thank you. I'm really excited to hear about this new project of yours.  
><strong>DH:<strong> [_laughs nervously_] Yeah, it's been kind of …surreal, I guess. The last thing I expected was an interview like this, you know, on such a broad scale. It's _Vanity Fair,_ that's huge! I'm really honored and flattered by all the attention.

**MG:** So, from what I gather, you've written a script that is an adaptation of your best-selling book of last year, _Inside_. Is that correct?  
><strong>DH:<strong> Yeah! Yeah, the film is in pre-production right now. It's not exactly an adaptation of _Inside_, though. _Rumors_ – that's the title of the movie – is what _Inside_ would have been, I think, if I'd had time to edit it before it was published. The manuscript was submitted to Simon & Schuster without my consent; I don't know if everybody knows that, so it was really unpolished and _Rumors_ is like a fresh start, a little bit.

**MG:** I had no idea.  
><strong>DH:<strong> Yeah, you know, I'm not going to say I wasn't thrilled when _Inside_ was published, because I was – who wouldn't be, right? But I wish I'd had time to change some things because my friends, they were a basis for a lot of the characters and they were really unhappy with how they came across in the book. I mean, it's fiction and they weren't direct copies, but it's like, I love these people and I don't want them to think this is how I see them.

**MG:** So, is _Rumors_ a little closer to how your friends are in real life? A bit more autobiographic?  
><strong>DH:<strong> Umm… yes and no. The characters are a little more well-rounded than in _Inside_, that was a satire after all and the characters were intentionally exaggerated. But no, because these are more individual characters, like, they're distinct from the people they were initially inspired by.

**MG:** I read a few pages of the script; there's a new character named Nick?  
><strong>DH:<strong> [_laughs_] Nick is the biggest thing missing from the book. Oh man, Nick. He's based off a friend of mine, my best friend, and this guy is like, he's pretty much the nicest person in the world. He's this really uncomplicated guy who's… okay, he's not stupid, like, far from it, but he comes off like he doesn't know all that much and then surprises you by being really wise and thoughtful. I'm hoping he likes how Nick is portrayed. I'm crossing my fingers.

**MG:** You've made a definite distinction between the book and the film.  
><strong>DH:<strong> Well, they're not the same, not really. There's some of the basic story, and a lot of the same character names and you know, it's New York's Upper East Side but… I want to be really clear that _Rumors_ is not _Inside_. _Rumors_ is a mix between _Inside_ and _A Midsummer's Night's Dream_, but not really either. It's got it's own unique flavor. I don't know; it's no _Citizen Kane_ but I'm pretty happy with it in a way I wasn't happy with _Inside_.

**MG: **What would you say are the biggest similarities between _Inside_ and _Rumors_, and what are the biggest distinctions?  
><strong>DH:<strong> Oh, well, the thing they have in common is this surveillance culture climate. I mean, when I was going to high school and even after, there was – is still, I guess – this blog called Gossip Girl, and it was, you know, basically TMZ for the Upper East Side elite. So there's that focus on image, and how you define yourself in private and in public, and how one affects the other, and it's a pretty bizarre kind of relationship with yourself, you know, managing who you are in different parts of your life.

**MG:** That must have been interesting to grow up with.  
><strong>DH:<strong> Oh, man, it really was. And I wasn't even apart of it until I started dating Serena van der Woodsen – she's my stepsister now, long story – but [_laughs_] no one even knew who I was so I was called LonelyBoy on the blog. Now that I look back on it, it's really very funny.  
>But, uh, yeah, biggest difference… in the book it's a lot more focused on Dylan Hunter, the narrative is mostly his, and what I really wanted to examine in the script was this friendship between Clair and Sabrina. You know, you've got these two leading ladies and trying to reconcile the competition and the extreme love they have for each other is… it's such a fascinating dynamic.<p>

**MG:** Sabrina is based on Serena, your ex-girlfriend and now your… stepsister?  
><strong>DH:<strong> Yeah, yeah she is. Sabrina in the film is a lot closer to Serena in the way that, well, Serena is warm and caring, and she's really sweet. I think with anyone else, transitioning between this incredibly romantic relationship to becoming siblings would have been awful, but with her, I mean, we're so comfortable with each other, we can talk to each other about anything because we've been there. It's not as awkward as you'd think.

**MG:** I understand Olivia Burke is cast as Sabrina, and I hear you and she dated at one point…  
><strong>DH:<strong> [_laughs_] It's kind of funny how it worked out that way. Yeah, Olivia and I dated back during our freshman year at NYU for a little while, and then we parted ways when she went to film _Bitches of Eastwick_. It was great that this worked out, though, because I have nothing but respect and admiration for Olivia. She's a dedicated actress and just so kind and giving.

**MG:** Do we know who is going to portray Clair? She was a pretty popular character in the book.  
><strong>DH:<strong> We do, um, it's this lovely actress Rachel Hennessey, she's incredibly talented. There was this thing, you know, [the director] Allison [Thompson] and I were watching her audition and we just knew that Rachel was our Clair, but she was blonde so none of the studio execs even considered her. So poor Rachel had to dye her hair brown just to audition again! She didn't even have the part then. I'm just so thrilled with her though. She and Olivia have a wonderful chemistry and I can't wait to see the finished product with those two.

**MG:** _Inside_ is such an iconic New York story. With the pre-production happening here, is _Rumors_ going to be more of a West Coast kind of story?  
><strong>DH:<strong> No, no, _Rumors_ is New York through and through. Part of the pre-production is securing the lots and locations in New York. No, we're definitely keeping it East Coast. It's a completely different flavor this side of the country.

**MG:** Speaking of which, you've recently moved to LA. How do you like it out here?  
><strong>DH:<strong> I love it! Yeah, this place is great. New York is pretty uptight and… I love it, believe me, I do, but California is so relaxed. The skyline is a lot more natural, like, there are mountains and trees and beaches, and it's not all in a park, it's just there and part of everything. I can't ever see myself leaving.

**MG:** You're in Montecito, right? I've got some family there.  
><strong>DH:<strong> Do you? That's great! It's a really beautiful area. Man, it's scenery porn! [_laughs_] I'm, um, I'm living with my grandmother, my stepmom's mother. She's probably my favorite person in the world, she's a really strong woman, really funny. It's great.

**MG:** Does your grandmother show up in the film?  
><strong>DH:<strong> You know, if I thought I could do her justice I would have written her in the story. But, I mean, there are time constraints and only so many characters you can have without overwhelming the story and, I mean, it's hard to write this woman without making her sound like a villain. You can't really capture what makes her so special on page. Just picture her like an older, jaded Sabrina with Clair's intense control issues. But funnier.

**MG:** I have to meet this woman.  
><strong>DH:<strong> She's wonderful.

**MG:** Well, thank you so much for your time, Dan! I'm looking forward to hearing more about _Rumors_ as the movie comes along.  
><strong>DH:<strong> Yeah, thank you so much.

.

Serena gets off the phone after breakfast one morning. "Blair wants to talk to you," she says quietly, and Dan can see that she just knows what that means to him and why it sucks so much.

"Oh."

"She's almost eight months along."

"Oh."

"She and Chuck want us to be godparents."

Dan is more than a little shocked. "Why me? Why not Nate?"

She gives him a look.

"Right."

"Blair says they're going to have a ceremony for the baby," Serena continues. "And she really wants us to be there. They've got it set for August 27th, and I know it would mean a lot to both Chuck and Blair to have you come."

He shakes his head. "I'm not going back to New York," he tells her quietly.

"Dan –"

"Serena, I'm really happy here. I _can't_ go back. I'm sorry."

He knows, just like he knew Eric would never bring it up again, that Serena is going to ask him this repeatedly, and he doesn't like to think about it. Dan's said goodbye to New York and he can't put himself through all that pain, at least until he's sure that his feelings for Blair are gone.

.

Meghan introduces Dan to her sister, Marcia Muirs.

Marcia is a redhead, with freckles. She's Meghan's half-sister, apparently, though they look so little alike Dan secretly suspects one of them is adopted. Marcia is a third-grade teacher, just out of college.

She's funny. She's ridiculously funny, and Dan finds himself bending over, tears coming out of his eyes, stomach hurting with laughter so many times when Marcia is telling a story about what one of her kids did in class that day, or what crazy adventures she got up to as a kid. God, she just says the funniest things and her facial expressions just sell it.

She's smart. Dan can have an intelligent conversation with her about books and films and art. It's not like talking to Blair, Marcia isn't at that level (where she challenges his thoughts and forces him to look at things in a new way), but it's still _fun_ and stimulating.

She's kind. The way she cares about the kids in her classroom, really wants to see them succeed and learn, it's so heartwarming. Marcia just _cares_ about these things. And it's not just her kids; she goes out of her way to be nice to strangers, and Dan's so entranced by her warmth and goodness, and she's nice to him too, really nice.

For the first time in a long time, Dan can see himself falling for this woman.

.

Serena's been back in New York for two weeks before she calls Dan.

"Blair had the baby."

"She did? I thought she was only eight months along."

He'll pretend that he didn't know that because of obsessive over-thinking. Dan Humphrey's just good with numbers, after all. Everyone knows that.

"Eight and a half. It's a girl. They named her Margaret Eleanor Bass."

"Oh. Well, tell them congratulations."

.

Nate calls when the _Vanity Fair_ issue hits the stands.

"Dude, I should have gotten an exclusive interview with you!" he moans into the phone. "Why didn't you tell me, man?"

"Conflict of interest," Dan points out. "Lack of objective journalism. The possibility that you might kill me for writing about you again. Take your pick, really."

Nate scoffs. "But you wrote a whole character for me this time."

It's kind of wonderful how easy to please Nate can be. There's no one, literally no one in the world who can just relax and let things be like Nate Archibald. And things just come to him, the way things come to Serena.

"Which you wouldn't have known if you hadn't read the interview."

"Come on, man!"

Dan rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. "Okay, how about the next time I write a book or a movie, I'll give you an exclusive? And I'll make it good, really good, so everyone will be jealous."

"I'm holding you to that," Nate says.

He's pretty sure Nate will forget.

.

It's Marcia who drags Dan out to buy a gift for Blair and Chuck.

"You just have to after a baby's born," she tells him. "It's a thing, and I know you know how Manhattan loves those things."

"I don't know what to get them," he protests.

Marcia rolls her eyes, grabs his hand, pulls him into the store. He likes her hands.

.

Dan loves getting the daily reports from the set. He shares them with CeCe, and she'll make fun of them or 'oooh' and 'ahhh' over the interesting details. This being the woman who, after reading the _Vanity Fair_ interview, framed the entire article and then enlarged the part about her for another frame.

She's his biggest supporter, and the best supporter too, because CeCe never lets his ego get too big. She's far too fond of cutting remarks for that.

Olivia and Rachel are apparently lighting up the set with their chemistry. Allison can't stop gushing about the layers of friendship and competition the girls bring out in each other.

Kenneth Porter, the actor portraying Dylan, is apparently upset that his role has been reduced from main character in the novel to supporting character in the film. He's an exceptional actor, but that's irritating especially when Dan's made the distinction between the two over and over.

There was a mild panic over a possible leak of the script, but it turned out to be some girl's fan fiction.

Josh Greer has a dispute about a line Nick is supposed to say, and Allison wants Dan to come east so that these sorts of script problems can be worked out without two days of waiting for resolution.

Sorry, he tells her. I'm not going back to New York.

.

The first time Marcia and he make love, it's not some huge declaration of love or a supremely intimate moment. It's fun.

And not sleazy fun, genuine fun. Dan's never laughed during sex before, but he laughed that night. They rolled around and wrestled and teased, and there was definite erotic pleasure there, but the whole thing felt like play.

Playful, that's what it was.

Dan's used to sex going hand-in-hand with strong emotions. Georgina was an anomaly, and now that he thinks about it, she was kind of a manifestation of his subconscious desire for Blair (oh God, just how long had he been in love with her, really?). Every time he's had sex there was a deep connection.

Which, yeah, Dan likes Marcia a lot, more than a lot, and he's attracted to her, but that night wasn't about grand gestures or love.

Two adults in a relationship enjoying each other. Nothing more than that.

And the fact that it was nothing more than that makes it into so much more than that.

.

TBC

.

A/N: I don't know why I have such a kick for writing future!fics with married Chuck and Blair. I really don't. Anyway, I know there's little to no Blair here, but the second part is Blair-heavy and will go up within the week. Like it so far? Hate it? I must know these things ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm not going back to New York**

.

"…Dan?"

He can hardly believe it, but it's her voice, there's no mistaking it.

"Blair…" he breathes.

"Dan, are you there?" she sounds like she's been crying, and Dan puts away the shock (like getting slammed by a freight train) of hearing from her for the first time in …has it been ten months?

"I'm here," he tells her. And because she needs it, he admits, "I'm always here."

"Dan, I'm…" Blair sobs, and his heart breaks. "I'm so scared. I'm so, so scared."

"It's okay, Blair," says Dan, though he can feel in his bones that it isn't. "It's going to be okay. What's wrong? What do you need?"

"I need _you!_" now she sounds angry. "I need my best friend here, and you're there, and…"

"Blair, what's going on?"

She's not the only one who's scared now. It's like his world is about to be smashed into a thousand pieces, and though Dan's three thousand miles away, he knows – he _knows_ – that something is deeply wrong with her. And when Blair is in pain, Dan can't help but to hurt alongside her.

"I'm so alone, Dan. I'm surrounded by people and I'm so alone, and I can't do this." The confession comes out in a stream of words.

"You're not alone," he reassures her gently, like approaching a wounded wild animal. "You're never alone."

"Yes, I am!" Blair screams (he winces but doesn't hold the phone away). "You don't understand what it's like, I'm drowning!"

"Blair…"

_Click_.

.

So he called Serena a day ago, he begged her to take Blair to the hospital or _something_, and Serena didn't believe him, but she agreed anyway.

Now he's just waiting for news. For someone to call and say "It's okay, she's fine, false alarm." Because if it was a false alarm, they'd be quick to tell him.

Right?

.

The filming is all done, Allison tells him in an email. The last day of production, the "wrap" as they call it, is tomorrow, and it's a small scene that Allison wants to reshoot because she doesn't feel Josh's performance was at the same level as Olivia's.

Dan is excited about this, he's definitely excited, but the gnawing pit of worry in his stomach is making the elation deflate a little.

He writes in his reply, _Can you stop by the NY Spectator and give Nate Archibald an exclusive after the wrap? I kind of promised him._

_Oh, and if you could ask him to call me about our mutual friend_.

Because of course he could _call_ these people, his friends who are keeping him in the dark, but he doesn't know if they'll even say anything and making Nate happy is one of life's simple pleasures. If Dan can't be happy someone else should.

.

Marcia worries over him.

"You look like you've been awake for two days, wandering through the wilderness" she tells him.

"I'm fine," Dan assures her.

She purses her lips. "Is this stress over the movie? Because it's going to be great."

Obviously, she knows who Blair Waldorf is and that Dan is friends with her, but he hasn't told Marcia everything. Namely, his feelings for Blair. How could he? Dan's falling in love with Marcia a little bit every day and to tell her that, sorry, my heart is already owned by someone else and you have to share, that would be cruel.

"Just haven't been sleeping well," is what Dan says.

There's a look of concern on her face, and then impish delight. "I think I can help you with that."

.

It's Chuck – _Chuck!_ – who calls Dan, finally, after over a week has passed.

"Blair has postpartum depression," he says after several mon bots and vaguely hilarious insults. "She's on some medication now that won't hurt Maggie during breast feeding, and she's seeing a therapist…"

Dan sucks in a breath. "Oh my god."

"She's going to be okay," Chuck tells him, but it sounds like he's just telling himself, really. "She's getting the help she needs."

"Thank god," says Dan. "I was so worried about her after that phone call…"

"Blair hid her depression from all of us," her husband says abruptly. "I can't understand why she told you."

Well…

What can you even say to that?

.

Allison walks into the meeting room four days later, looking a little jetlagged, but wearing a huge, dreamy grin.

"So that's Nick in real life," she says to Dan. "I get it. I didn't when I read the script, but now I get it."

He tries not to laugh.

.

The meeting itself is tense. It's like the studio executives don't get it; they think they have a teen romantic comedy on their hands, but _Rumors_ is not the typical teen flick.

(Or so Dan believes. He's well aware that to him, this could be the greatest piece of teenage cinema since _The Breakfast Club_, but to everyone else it would just be ten pounds of bullshit. But trying to reconcile his ego and expectations with what could _possibly_ be reality is a complicated challenge, so he goes for self-deprecating humor in public and overzealous writer in these meetings.)

Let's have more focus on the triangle between Nick, Clair and Sabrina, they say. Or, play up the square with Dylan.

Allison gets angry, like, _really_ angry.

She starts shouting that, look, this movie is about women and how these two girls care more for their friendship than some high school romance – and that's the point, after all. No matter who you fall in love with, it's your best friend that matters more.

Meghan gets up and diplomatically says the exact same thing, and Dan wonders not for the first time why his writing connects more with women.

The end result?

They'll play up the romance a little – just a little.

.

Marcia takes Dan out to dinner to celebrate the (for the most part) triumph of the artist over the corporate machine.

"You don't have to spend all this money on me," he tells her at one point. Since it's the first time Dan's had more money than his girlfriend (Vanessa doesn't exactly count, does she?), he wants to be the one to treat Marcia to all sorts of gifts and pleasures.

She leans across the table with a grin. "Excuse me, but I'm a modern woman," she says. "I want to treat my man to a dinner, and that's what I'm going to do."

"I don't know what to say," says Dan with a falsetto and batting eyelashes.

"I accept sexual favors as a thank you."

.

This is too hilarious – CeCe has a date.

Dan is trying very hard not to laugh or offer the elderly gentleman some advice ("Run for it"), because somehow his viper of a grandmother has caught the interest of a very posh, old-Hollywood type.

Worse still, the man is rich and Dan is fairly certain the size of his bank account might have something to do with the longevity of this new relationship.

It's certainly entertaining as he and Marcia wait with Ernest – of all the names, that was possibly the best he could have hoped for – in the foyer, the elder man trying to convey his honorable intentions to the grandson, Marcia teasing the oblivious suitor, Dan not trusting himself to speak without bursting out in laughter.

And then when CeCe walks down the stairs in all her old New York elegance, putting the old Hollywood to shame, he's suddenly very touched.

Dan had never considered how very lonely it must be to be Cecelia Rhodes.

.

The ringing cell phone wakes Dan up at five-thirty in the morning. He's tired, and groggy, and his arm is numb under Marcia's warm body, and when he picks up the phone he mutters a low, irritated sound that just barely passes for hello.

"Your phone etiquette is terrible, Humphrey," Blair admonishes him from the other line. "Is California undoing all my hard work?"

Dan rolls out of bed and drags himself to the bathroom. He shuts himself inside without turning on the light (too bright).

"Blair, it's five-thirty," he grumbles. His arm is doing that painful tingling, and it sucks, and his eyes won't stay open.

"Your point being?"

"My point being you woke me up."

"Dan, have I ever cared about waking you up at some ungodly hour before?"

He sighs. "No."

She actually laughs, a sound he's not heard in forever. "Now open your eyes and stop thinking about how easy it would be to assassinate me."

"Stop that; it's like you're in my head," Dan grouches. He rubs his eyes awake and says, "Why are you calling?"

Dan isn't worried she'll misinterpret what he means. Of course she can call, Blair knows that he will always be there for her, but at this time of morning and after what happened the last time she dropped a line his way there is some cause for concern.

"I wanted to say thank you," says Blair haltingly, "For calling Serena and getting me to the hospital. I was in a bad place and… anyway, thank you."

"You know I'll do anything for you," Dan confesses. Maybe it's the sleepiness that lets him be so honest.

Blair releases a soft breath. "I appreciate that," she tells him. "I do. And I'm glad I had you to save me. But next time, I want to be the one to save me. I don't want to be a victim anymore, I'm not very good at it and bitch is more my flavor anyway."

His heart warms at every word. "I want you to save you, too," he says. It's the Blair Waldorf (Bass, he reminds himself, Blair Bass now) he fell in love with.

"I will be. It's one day at a time, after all."

"Guess those therapy sessions are paying off."

She laughs again. "I have the same psychiatrist as Vera Wang, you know. She doesn't advertise it, but I have my ways."

"Oh, I know. Is she – the psychiatrist, is she nice?"

"She's very good at what she does."

"You must be driving her crazy."

"Well, obviously."

.

Dan drags himself through the day, exhausted from his early morning wake-up call. It doesn't matter, though, because he is content.

For so long, his feelings for Blair were everything, his motivator and his tormentor, that he'd forgotten how nice it was to just _talk_ to her. That was what made him fall in love with her in the first place, after all; talking about art and cinema and literature, and even world issues.

Okay, they did try to avoid world issues because Blair often took an elitist policy and Dan still can't understand how one person can be so dismissive of poverty-stricken countries and still donate to over a dozen charities –

Sore subject.

The thing is, though, it's like he's forgotten how to be friends with Blair Waldorf in the time apart from her.

He makes a commitment with a sleep-addled brain to rediscover that friendship.

.

Meghan tells him the teaser trailer is going online for Christmas, the studio is looking at a June release and this is the best time to start advertising, which reminds Dan – Thanksgiving is in a week.

Not that he'd know from the decorations around town. As soon as Halloween was over the Christmas extravaganza began bombarding every street in Los Angeles. Unfortunately for Dan, this means Christmas movie posters plastered on every bus stop and billboard.

He hasn't liked a Christmas-themed movie since _Miracle on 42__nd__ Street_, and that was made nearly a half-century before he was born.

But Thanksgiving…

Dan had moved out to California shortly before Christmas last year, and until now he hasn't fully realized what Thanksgiving without his family means. No explosive drama, no trips to the hospital (or just Tripps in general), no outing of family secrets…

This should be a relief, but all Dan feels is nostalgia and loneliness.

.

(Thanksgiving is Blair's favorite holiday.)

.

"Humphrey," she says when she calls him next. "Why have you not booked a flight home?"

"Because I am home."

"Oh, don't try to sell me that bullshit," Blair snaps, the curse falling elegantly off her tongue. For a woman who can make innocuous words like "Brooklyn" and "flannel" sound like venereal diseases, actual publicly-acknowledged swear words sound positively quaint coming from her.

He laughs despite himself. "Blair, I like it here. Besides, I'll be having dinner with Meghan and Marcia's family, and apparently their brother James is hilarious. My day is already planned out without any room for a quick flight to New York and back."

There's a dead silence on the other line for a long, heart-stopping moment.

"Who's Marcia?" she finally asks.

Dan frowns. "What?"

"I know Meghan is your agent; why you'd want to have Thanksgiving dinner with her is beyond me. But who is Marcia?"

"Marcia is Meghan's sister," he says. His stomach clenches as he tells her this. "She's my girlfriend."

"Your… girlfriend."

"Yeah. Serena didn't tell you about her?" he offers weakly.

It's only now that Dan realizes he hasn't talked about Marcia to his friends at all. Serena knows he's seeing her, she and Eric were there for the first date, and Nate probably heard it from Rufus and Lily at one point… but he's never brought up his girlfriend.

Marcia is part of his new life in California. His friends are ties to his old life. If they were here in LA, of course he'd talk about her to them, and vice versa.

Of course he would.

Blair doesn't speak for a long moment. "How long have you been seeing her?"

"About five months."

"Do you love her?"

Is it his imagination or does she sound timid?

"Yes," says Dan, surprising himself. "Yes, I do."

"Oh." She sighs over the phone. "I guess that's good. So you won't be coming home anytime soon, then."

Her determination to call New York his home warms him inside, and her resignation to his absence crushes him. It's moments like this when Dan wants to hop on the first plane to New York, run to the Empire Hotel, and wrap his arms around Blair and never let go.

"Dan, do you… do you miss me?" asks Blair.

"Every day," he admits. Not that it changes a thing.

.

He tells Marcia what he told Blair after dinner is over, and they're in a cab on their way back to CeCe's house.

"I love you," he says, and kisses her.

"It's about damn time," she teases, and then turns serious. "I love you too."

.

The Monday after Thanksgiving, Dan gets a call from Blair.

"Open your computer," she says.

He does, and sees an email from Blair. "How did you get my email?"

"Remember that Gossip Girl leak last year?" she says. "You sent in more tips than I expected."

"I sent in, like, five."

"Whatever, Humphrey, just open it."

Dan clicks on the email, and then the video link inside. He's curious; what could Blair possibly have to tell him on a video that she couldn't on the phone?

The answer is apparent when the buffer wheel clears and Blair is in front of him (his breath catches for a millisecond at how different she looks, bangs and short hair and yet how much the same), and on her lap is a baby with wispy brown curls and wide, staring brown eyes.

"_Hi, Dan,_" Blair in the video says. "_I know you're busy having a Californian Thanksgiving, but we all miss you here._" She smiles warmly. "_This is Margaret. Maggie, sometimes, but never in public. Chuck tries to call her Marge but I won't hear of it. She's turning four months old on Monday and I want you to see your goddaughter._"

He watches as Maggie gurgles and smiles, and while lots of babies are uglier than their parents will ever admit, Blair's daughter is perfectly beautiful. Blair takes one of Maggie's tiny hands in hers and waves at the camera, and both mother and daughter giggle.

"_We're going to the Morgan tomorrow,_" she tells him. "_It's her first outing to a museum, and I couldn't think of a better one to take her to than the first one we went to together. After all, I made you appreciate Degas when you swore you wouldn't, so perhaps I can instill some culture into this little one, too. There's an exhibit by Isabelle de Borchgrave showing; you know, she spent years recreating these amazing dresses from paintings into real-life adaptations with paper. That's true art. It should be fantastic._

"_I hope you have a wonderful holiday,_" Blair finishes, and is he imagining the sadness in her eyes? "_We'll be talking soon._"

The video ends, and Dan stares at his computer screen for a good minute.

"You have a beautiful baby," he whispers in a hoarse voice.

Truthfully, there's a lump in his throat and tears threatening to come out of his eyes, and Dan Humphrey doesn't cry.

She laughs. "I know."

"She gets it from her mother," he adds, and there's nothing either of them say to that. They sit in silence for a long time, but neither hang up the phone.

.

Allison invites Dan and Meghan to come see the first trailer a week before it's set to be released.

Dan is impressed with it. The intermingled shots of New York and the two main girls is tastefully done in the first twenty seconds, and then the long scene of Clair and Sabrina's little power struggle on the steps of the Met is possibly the best way to advertise this film. He especially likes how the trailer shows off the layers in the relationship rather than focusing on the average teen drama hijinks.

As far as trailers go, it's definitely a teaser.

Meghan is busy setting up more interviews for him and Allison suggests they do a writer/director joint interview.

He assumes Allison's agent suggested it, because Allison hates interviews just a tiny bit (she told him after coming down from her initial high of meeting Nate in person). But he agrees because it sounds like fun and he likes her, if he ever writes a movie script again he'd ask Allison to direct it.

Of course, Meghan is thrilled.

.

He wakes up the next morning and starts writing.

Dan's not even sure what he's writing about, just that he is, and there's no story in his head that he's following, no blocked-out, every-chapter-outlined guide.

So far, there's a young man, about twenty-five or twenty-six, and he's sitting at a bar and watching the news on television. And then he walks home to find his apartment has been broken into. But nothing's been stolen, just ransacked – no, something has been stolen, a book.

Although nothing makes sense in his head, Dan finds this form of storytelling cathartic.

He's always written something with the ending in mind and tried to find the beginning somewhere. Now he knows his beginning, but all the rest is mystery.

.

Blair calls every Monday now. Her New Year's resolution, she says, is to connect more with her best friend.

He likes being Blair's best friend.

And they talk. They talk about the latest movies they've seen and recommend or warn against certain films the other hasn't seen. Dan tells her about the books he's been rereading, and Blair gives him lists of new literature to delve into.

Oh, and music, they talk about music now, too.

Dan had always imagined their taste in artists to be vastly different, but they have so many similar favorites (Arcade Fire, Elbow, Love and Rockets, OneRepublic, the list goes on).

She tries again and again to interest him in some classic music ("Not all great songs have lyrics, Humphrey!") and Dan responds by pointing her in the direction of Explosions in the Sky. She grudgingly admits the following week that, alright, there's something to be said about modern instrumentalists.

As for TV shows, though, Blair and he find themselves just as likely to get into a screaming match as well as spend hours waxing lyrical on the same show.

"You don't like _Lost_? Blair, there is something deeply wrong with you."

"Humphrey, how can you watch the drivel that is _The O.C._ and still call yourself a connoisseur of the arts?"

Sometimes they'll talk about the hard stuff, like Blair's postpartum depression and how she's handling that, or her miscarriage the year before – but they don't talk about the dangerous things like why Dan left New York and won't come back, or why Blair panicked on her wedding day.

He'll always ask after Maggie and Blair will gush and gush about her daughter, and in her voice Dan hears love and happiness he hasn't heard from her in a long, long time. He marvels at how much this small baby is the center of Blair's world. It reminds him sometimes of Milo, and he'll tell her that when he's missing the child who was never his.

Blair is softer than he remembers.

.

Meghan is fuming over a review of the trailer she found online, and Dan checks it out just to see what could possibly get the bright and bubbly woman so upset.

_The film industry has been buzzing about _Rumors_ ever since author Dan Humphrey announced he was writing a movie version of his best-selling roman-a-clef _Inside_, and until I watched the teaser trailer released on Christmas Day I know I was excited for it. Now, I'm resigned to watching a horrible adaptation of one of my favorite novels of this decade. From what we've seen, _Rumors_ is little more than a catfight between Clair and Sabrina over a couple of guys who can't decide which one is more desirable._

_What happened to Dylan Hunter's love affair with Clair Carlyle? You know, the story about a guy who judges everything about the Upper East Side and a girl who judges everything that isn't the UES and how they fell in love despite their differences? And who the hell is this Nick guy? Just some blonde eye-candy to draw in female audiences? We barely see Charlie Trout, the tragic example of what happens when money is the only thing you have. Oh, and Derek? Relegated to some dusty corner where coming out stories are dumped once Hollywood is bored. _Inside_ was witty and painfully honest; this is just trash._

Dan's stomach clenches up in anger – how the hell would this anonymous review even _know_ what the movie is about? – and he seriously considers typing an angry comment in response.

When he scrolls down to do just that, he sees some of the comments that have already been posted.

_You're seriously reading too much into one and a half minutes._

_Overreact much?_

_Dude, did you not read the interview DHumps did with Vanity Fair? It's not an adaptation of Inside. Get over yourself._

He smiles, realizing that anything he needs to say has probably already been said by a fan of his (which is, wow, Dan Humphrey has fans) and really, it's not necessary to make an ass out of himself.

Then he leans forward and squints at the screen. DHumps?

.

When Marcia says she wants to go dancing ("I spend five days a week dressing like a schoolmarm, I want one night to look glamorous for a change"), Dan isn't sure how to break it to her that he is a terrible dancer. Years on the Upper East Side did not, as she assumed when asking him about it the first time, instill him with a talent for waltzing.

He calls Serena.

"Tell Marcia I can't dance," he begs.

She laughs. "Dan, of course you can."

"Serena, please don't lie."

"Okay, so you're no Savion Glover," she allows, "But Marcia won't care about that."

"Blair banned me from dancing at her wedding," Dan says dryly. "Both of them." As it turned out, only one of those weddings even allowed time for him to dance. The first one had Dan so busy chauffeuring Blair to the airport he didn't even get a chance for her ban to matter.

Serena laughs again. "You know, I don't think Marcia expects the same level of perfection as Blair," she tells him.

"Thank god," he jokes, but what he really wants to say is "why not?"

.

His book is already nearly one-third completed – the rough draft, that is.

The direction it's going in is a little bit _The End of the Affair_, with shades of _When Harry Met Sally_, and he's enjoying the whole process.

The main character, Henry Foster, tracks down the previous owner of the stolen book – his ex-girlfriend from college's best friend. Sometimes Dan writes her name as Jane, sometimes as Priscilla, depending on the mood he's in. Jane/Priscilla admits to stealing it, but it was his ex-girlfriend (Laura) who trashed the place. In college, Henry and Jane/Priscilla hated each other and he's still annoyed with her.

So then Henry steals the book back from her, and they play this back-and-forth game for a while.

Dan's decided that Henry is playing this game to avoid dealing with his father's death – he likes the idea of living in denial, though he can never manage it. Ignorance, perhaps, but never outright denial.

As for Jane/Priscilla and Laura?

Well, Laura (unbeknownst to Henry, or maybe he knows it, Dan isn't sure yet) was pregnant with Henry's child, but they'd broken up, and she got an abortion. That's why she trashed his place, and Priscilla/Jane came along to steal back the book Henry took from her years ago. Laura is undergoing a psychotic break that not even Jane/Priscilla can detect.

Obviously, Jane/Priscilla is the intended love interest, but Dan wishes he could decide on her name.

.

"I hope you're taking Marcia out for a very special night next week," Blair says the first week of February.

It's the first time she's even mentioned Marcia's name.

"That's the plan," he tells her. "Valentine's Day and all that. She's expressed an interest in going dancing."

"Ugh, Humphrey, don't embarrass yourself," is her groaning response, and Dan laughs because that's exactly what he thought she'd say.

"It's nothing huge, just some dinner and dancing, and maybe a movie," he says. "CeCe's made me take her dancing at least twenty times since I moved here so I know a few places. Of course, with CeCe 'going out dancing' means escorting her to a party and supplying her with gin."

"Speaking of the matriarch, what is she doing for this very special day of romance?"

Dan snorts. "She's going out with Ernest."

"That's still happening?"

"Yeah. I think she's planning on marrying him for his money and PR-ing it as some golden age romance or something."

"She would." Blair sounds admiring.

He hesitates for a moment, and then, steeling himself, asks the big question. "What are you and Chuck doing for Valentine's Day?"

Blair lets out a long, low breath. "Chuck is… he's in Beijing all this week and next," she says. "He's setting up a Bass Industries office there. Apparently more and more rich Americans are going to China for the 'authentic experience' and find themselves using a latrine. Chuck figures he can capitalize on buyer's remorse."

"How romantic," Dan mutters before he can stop himself.

"Ugh, you have no idea," she agrees.

"Just you and Maggie, then?"

"Serena's coming over; we're going to do a single ladies Valentine's Day," Blair tells him.

Dan groans. "And now I'm picturing naughty things with you two."

"You are so predictable."

"What? Don't tell me Chuck hasn't made at least a hundred comments about you and Serena by now," he defends himself.

She sighs and changes the subject. "I hope you and Marcia have a wonderful time."

"Me too," Dan says. "She's not like other girls I've dated before; she's a redhead, that's new. And she's really smart and outrageously funny –"

"I'm smart and funny," Blair interrupts dryly.

He freezes for a good minute. Did she just… "We've never dated," he points out.

"Oh. Right."

Their phone call ends not long after, their conversation awkward and stilted from that point on. Dan decides to take a walk and clear his head because Blair _did not_ just imply that they were ever in a romantic relationship just when he's been getting over her… right?

Oh, god, she really did.

.

TBC

.

A/N: I'm so thrilled with all the positive feedback this fic has gotten. Oh my gosh, you guys are fantastic! *kisses* I'm hoping I did all your expectations justice with part deux – can you tell how much I love semicolons? I mean, it's unhealthy, they don't flow... and yet.


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm not going back to New York**

.

He keeps thinking about that conversation with Blair, to the point where it's probably overanalyzing.

But what did she mean, anyway? He starts talking about girls he's dated and then she includes herself on the list? Was it just a random mistake? A Freudian slip? Wishful thinking?

His wishful thinking?

Dan scoffs and reminds himself, he's dating Marcia, wonderful Marcia whom he's been with for about eight months now, whom he loves. And she loves him! She's sweet and funny and she works with kids, she likes kids and teaching and Blair has a kid –

Oh, for fuck's sake.

.

Everything's arranged for the evening. Valentine's Day (or night) with Marcia; dinner, dancing, and live entertainment at one of CeCe's favorite haunts (Ernest is taking her to a private room in the back).

Dan puts on his tuxedo, tries to keep his hands out of his hair, and checks the mirror.

He knows how to dress up and look presentable, even occasionally dashing, thanks to years of experience. But that's not what the evening is about; Marcia wants a night to feel beautiful, and he wants to make that happen for her. Aside from loving her, Dan likes her and cares for her as a person, and he wants to see her smile.

Just as he thinks this, his phone rings.

Dan answers, still looking at his reflection. "Hello?"

"We have to talk."

He literally sees the color drain out of his face. "Blair, you could have just called me on Monday."

"I could have," she acknowledges, "But I was scared. I have something to say, anyway."

"Blair –"

"I hated you for months after I got back from my honeymoon and you were gone."

He shuts up.

"When Serena left for a whole year without telling me, I was so angry at her I couldn't breathe," she tells him. "You know how it was. She was my best friend – _is_ my best friend, and she left me when I needed her. I just want you to understand that, because that was nothing to how I felt when I came home and found you gone."

"I'm sorry," he whispers.

"You should be," snaps Blair. "For over a year, I turned to you when I didn't feel I could talk to anyone else, and you were there, and you gave me the strength to do things for myself. God, I can't believe I'm saying this to _Dan Humphrey_, but you were my rock."

"I'm sorry," repeats Dan, no less contrite, but his voice is firmer. "But you were married. Are married. Not some twenty-four hour wedding to a Monegasques prince that ended with a divorce in the Dominican, you married Chuck Bass, the apparent love of your life, and you shouldn't need me. You should've been able to lean on your husband. Should be."

Blair scoffs loudly over the line. "Oh, you can't be friends with married women, Humphrey?"

"Not with you," he says bluntly. "And you know why."

"Dan –"

"You don't think I don't know how much you needed me?" he sighs. "Blair, I could see how you relied on me, and I'll admit some part of me liked being your knight in shining armor, but it was killing me. I was your sounding board about two men whom you loved, and neither was me. And then I helped you through not one, but two weddings. I'm sorry, but I had to think about me. Have to."

"I read your book."

"What?"

He's stunned. Blair had famously declared she would never read _Inside_, about which he was equal parts hurt and relieved.

Blair lets out a long, uneven breath. "On my honeymoon," she says haltingly. "Chuck had to do an impromptu Bass board meeting over the phone, and I saw your book in the window of a bookstore down the street from our hotel… I read the whole thing in three hours. And then I read it ten more times before we came home."

Dan puts a hand to his hair before stopping himself. "Did you like it?" he asks self-consciously, nervously.

"I loved it," she says, and his heart jumps across the room. "I read it, and I think for the first time I let myself realize the way you felt about me. And the way I felt about you."

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.

It's a beautiful nightmare, what's happening right now. Beautiful and so, so wrong, because Marcia will be here any minute.

"I wanted to come find you when I got home," Blair tells him. "I wanted to talk to you about it, about us, but the loft was empty when I got there, and I found out from Serena that you'd moved to California. It killed me. You were the one who was never supposed to leave. I was so angry at you for giving up just when I'd figured it all out."

"Well, you should have figured it out sooner," he says, irritated and overwhelmed and happy and upset, and oh god, this cannot be happening.

"Dan," she hisses, sounding hurt.

"No. God, Blair, what you do expect to happen after this phone call? Do you think I'm going to break up with Marcia, catch a flight to New York, and sweep you off your feet? You have a kid, with Chuck, your husband, and I have a life here with a woman I'm in love with."

"I don't expect anything!" she yells. "My psychiatrist says I should practice being honest, and this is me being honest."

He sighs loudly and rudely. "I don't think she meant for that to be retroactive."

"Oh, don't act like this is some horrible confession," snaps Blair. "You've wanted to hear me say something like this for years."

"Not on Valentine's Day!" says Dan. "And I've been trying to move on from this… these feelings I have for you."

"Just say it," she all but yells at him. "Just say you love me, Dan. Stop beating around the bush like you have for years, grow some balls, and tell me. Maybe if you'd told me sooner, I wouldn't have married Chuck."

Dan gets a flash of anger like he's never felt before.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was in control of all your actions and emotions," he retorts sarcastically. "It's not my responsibility to tell you what you want, Blair, it's yours. I'm the one who was never supposed to leave? _What did you want me to do?_ Stick around and be your best friend during your torrid years of marriage? Be the man on the side? I'm not your puppet, I'm not your slave, and after tonight, I am not your friend. Fuck you, Blair; we're done here."

He hangs up the phone to an intense feeling of satisfaction.

.

Marcia notices he's tense on their date.

"Have I done something?" she asks nervously. "Do I not look…?"

The fact that this beautiful woman could think she was anything less than stunning angers Dan, and he hates Blair just a little bit in that moment for calling and saying what she said, and making him act less than attentive to his girlfriend.

"You're perfect," he tells her. "I just had a phone call that went badly, earlier. There is nothing wrong with you; I'm being an ass, and I'm sorry."

"Was it about the movie? Is something wrong?" Marcia is sympathetic and worried, and Dan sees this. She's selfless and kind and he honestly can't see how anyone could prefer another woman to her.

"No, everything's fine," says Dan. He pulls her onto the dance floor, where they just sway to a soft, jazzy tune.

He's aware, in some dark recess of his mind, that the entire evening is now intrinsically tied to Blair. Every time he kisses Marcia, it's a smug sneer in Blair's direction. Every dance is vindictive and it's like he's trying to cut her down, hoping that for once she'll know how it feels. And even as Dan glorifies in the revenge, he hates himself for it.

.

Dan sees that Blair has called him 32 times in three days, and left 6 messages. He doesn't listen to them.

.

CeCe has to shut down her bridge game one night after her friends get too rowdy. She's had to deal with police showing up about noise complaints on several occasions (Dan was there for one, it was hilarious when the officer realized he was subduing a bunch of old people playing cards) and simply doesn't have the patience for it.

She's downing a tumbler of gin, what else is new, when Dan sits down next to her on the couch.

"Oh, Daniel, you look positively wrecked," she says. "Did Marcia come to her senses and leave you?"

Dan rolls his eyes. "Did Ernest realize you're only dating him for his money?"

"Touché," she says approvingly. "What's bothering you?"

"Do you ever feel like… there's a moment in time where your whole life could change, and you realize in hindsight you missed it?"

"All the time, dear," CeCe comments dryly, and finishes her tumbler off like she's pulling shots. "That's what life is, after all; a million missed opportunities."

.

**Lisa Varschoolis:** Mr. Humphrey, Ms. Thompson, thank you for agreeing to sit down with me.  
><strong>Allison Thompson:<strong> Oh, you're more than welcome. Thanks for having us.  
><strong>Dan Humphrey:<strong> And please, call me Dan. Mr. Humphrey is… well, not my father, but it makes me feel like I'm sitting in the principal's office in high school.  
><strong>AT:<strong> Yes, Allison will be fine for me too.

**LV:** Well, we've all seen the teaser trailer for _Rumors_ by now, and I know that I for one am very excited for the movie.  
><strong>AT:<strong> You know, I'm excited too, and I've watched it about twenty times now. I mean, it changes after every time because we're still in the editing process, but the heart of the story is still there and that's the best part of it.

**LV:** Do we have an official release date yet?  
><strong>AT:<strong> Unofficially, the studio is looking at July 15th.  
><strong>DH:<strong> We say unofficially because they told us June 7th last month and obviously that changed.

**LV:** There's been some confusion about what kind of film _Rumors_ is. Some people are calling it a satire, some people say chick flick, or romantic comedy, or teen drivel…  
><strong>DH:<strong> Well, it's any of those things. I mean, there are satirical elements left over from _Inside_, but it's a more sincere look at teenagers than just poking fun at their limitless existence. Maybe a little bit romantic comedy, I don't know… [_to AT_] what would you say?  
><strong>AT:<strong> I don't think the romantic parts are funny enough for romcom territory. It is a funny movie, in some places, but not those. Probably best to call it a chick flick with legs.  
><strong>DH:<strong> There are so many jokes I could make with that opening…  
><strong>AT:<strong> What I mean to say is, _Rumors_ is like, _Fried Green Tomatoes_ or _Steel Magnolias_ for today's teen generation. It's a girls' story with real heart.

**LV:** So is it more geared toward the female audience?  
><strong>DH:<strong> Pretty much everything I write ends up geared towards the female audience. Most of my friends have been women, so that might be why.

**LV:** Well, I know I enjoyed _Inside_ when it came out, and I read one of your stories from 2007 in the _New_ _Yorker_ last week…  
><strong>DH:<strong> You read that? [_laughs_] Wow, that brings back memories.  
><strong>AT:<strong> I didn't know you had a story published in the _New_ _Yorker_.  
><strong>DH:<strong> Yeah, it was a short story, more like an account of when I first met the girl who would eventually be my first girlfriend. And then stepsister. God, that's weird to say out loud.  
><strong>AT:<strong> And you went on to write more about her, obviously.  
><strong>DH:<strong> Obviously.

**LV:** You two seem very comfortable with each other.  
><strong>AT:<strong> Well, he's very easy to get along with. And I mean, look at him. If I wasn't married I would tap that in a heartbeat.  
><strong>DH:<strong> Okay, I think I'm blushing now.

**LV:** Your face is like a tomato.  
><strong>DH:<strong> Of course it is.

**LV:** So you'd say it was easy to collaborate on _Rumors_ from a writing and directing standpoint? There weren't any standoffs over what should be different and what needed to stay?  
><strong>AT:<strong> If there were any standoffs, it wasn't between the two of us.  
><strong>DH:<strong> Allison really got the point of the story when she read it, you know, she saw its potential, and she's really made it become more than just a script I wrote.  
><strong>AT:<strong> It definitely became a collaboration because we both wanted to see the same things in the film happen.  
><strong>DH:<strong> Yeah, I'd never written a script before so she had to step in and make a lot of basic decisions about interiors and exteriors. Well, I wrote a short play once, but that's a whole different medium. What I mean to say is, she took what I'd written down and expanded on it, you know, made it better.

**LV:** What drew you both to this project?  
><strong>DH:<strong> I mean, as I've said before, I wanted to write _Inside_ the way I would have liked for it to have been, you know, the first time around, but without taking anything away from the book.  
><strong>AT:<strong> I read the script and I just knew I had to make this into a movie. I was drawn to the characters, I really connected to them. Dan writes really well for women.  
><strong>DH:<strong> I like women. [_laughs_]

**LV:** Do you think _Rumors_ is going to be a big box office hit?  
><strong>AT:<strong> I think so. I hope so.  
><strong>DH:<strong> You know, as long as the audience connects with the story and the characters, I don't care if that's an audience of one or one billion, I'll be happy.

**LV:** I know I'll be in the audience on July 15th or whenever it's released.  
><strong>AT:<strong> Can't wait to see you there.

.

Dan can't stop writing lately. His story about Henry and Jessica (that's what he decided her name was, not Jane or Priscilla) has turned dark and twisty, intermingling a passionate, sexual, love/hate affair between the two in the midst of Laura's increasingly alarming mental breakdown and Jessica's engagement to her high school sweetheart.

It's fascinating to Dan in a sick way how much Henry hates Jessica even as he desires her, something Dan has never experienced personally.

The affair is obsession for Henry, not love, and Dan makes sure to demonstrate how unhealthy that is. Love is selfless, not demanding or possessive. He knows the difference; he's witnessed it time and again on the Upper East Side.

When Dan closes his laptop at the end of a day, he is emotionally and mentally spent.

.

Nate calls one afternoon when Dan is out walking on the beach (he dropped his phone in the sand one time, the stupid thing broke, so he leaves it at home now).

He listens to the message. "Hey, man, how's it going? Listen, Serena and I were talking, and we were thinking we'd come to LA for your movie premiere this summer. And then Serena called Eric, and Eric called Jenny, and Rufus and Lily heard about it. So we're all into it, so if you could give us a date to fly out, we'd totally be there."

Dan smiles, thinking of how nice it would be to have his family and friend around for his success. Except he's not sure if Jenny and Serena are getting along yet.

"I, uh, talked to Chuck and Blair about coming too," Nate's message continues, "Only Chuck acted all weird about you, and Blair says you're not returning her calls. I don't know what's up with that, man, but she really misses you, so… stop being a dick, I guess. Anyway, let me know about the premiere, and I hope you're having a good time out there."

His smile vanishes.

Since Nate doesn't know what the hell he's talking about, Dan ignores the part about Blair, and makes himself a note to call Meghan.

.

There's nothing more nerve-wracking for Dan than showing someone his work for the first time, and he's fidgeting anxiously the entire time Meghan is pouring over his rough draft.

Finally, she finishes. "Dan," she says, sounding floored. "This is brilliant."

"Really?" he's pretty floored as well, and flooding with pride.

"It's so much more adult than _Inside_ and _Rumors_," Meghan tells him. "Less of a coming-of-age story and more about what happens after. I know it's not finished and the ending can sometimes ruin a book, but if you keep going like you are, I think this could be a huge hit."

Dan grins, embarrassed and happy. "You don't think it's too dark?"

"Of course I think it's too dark; I think _The Princess Bride_ is too dark," she says with a reassuring smile. "Dark romances sell, though. _Wuthering Heights_ isn't exactly popular for its descriptive imagery."

He makes a note to play up the death of Henry's father in order to avoid writing just a sordid romance.

.

Dan plays one message from Blair.

"Dan, please call me back. I know things are a little awkward right now after what I said, and you shouldn't have yelled at me like that, but you're my best friend and we need each other."

He deletes everything from her in his voicemail, blocks her number, removes her from his speed dial.

He doesn't want to need her. He moved to California to move on, and this isn't moving on. It's just moving away.

The guilt he feels about abandoning her isn't his problem.

.

The interview Dan did with Allison for _Entertainment Weekly_ comes out, and CeCe once again blows up the spread and puts it on her wall. Stupidly, when he comes into her study and sees this Dan tears up a little bit because this woman is amazing. She chose for him to be her family and she didn't have to.

Not that he'd ever say something like that to her, though. CeCe would make fun of him for days on end.

It's why he likes living with her. She's everything awful about Manhattan's elite, and yet when in California she makes everything ten times more fun.

Meghan tells him she's fielding a lot of interview requests from other various magazines and newspapers, and she wants him to consider one and possibly drop a hint about the book he's writing.

He's not sure if he wants to talk about it to anyone but his agent right now.

.

His dad sends an email, showing Dan his flight information with a note that all six of them are flying in together, so Dan should have CeCe's driver take the limo rather than the town car.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wonders when his father, advocate of middle-class living and disdain for upper class wealth, began to casually refer to limos and town cars (with drivers) as a mode of transportation.

It feels like everything is coming together, and he can't wait for Rufus and Lily (and Nate, and Jenny) to meet Marcia.

.

"Why didn't you tell me you were writing a new book?" Marcia asks him over dinner, sounding hurt.

Dan sighs; he knows Meghan told her. "I'm trying not to make a big deal out of it. I haven't even shown CeCe yet, and I show her everything. The only reason Meghan knows is because she's my agent."

"And I'm your girlfriend," she points out. "You should want to share this stuff with me. I mean, I knew you were spending a lot of time writing _something_, but I only figured that out because you're always on the computer these days. I just… I wanted you to feel like you could tell me things."

"I can tell you things," Dan insists. "You know more about me than almost anyone."

"Almost anyone?" says Marcia, her eyebrows raised.

"My dad," he covers. "My dad and my sister know me the best."

.

He's sitting in the entertainment room with CeCe when Meghan forwards Dan the link for the _Rumors_ theatrical trailer. Dan turns on the BluRay player and connects to the internet on the eight foot screen.

This one is much, much better than the teaser, and he liked the teaser. It gives a little more of the story while still keeping the air of mystery. (Dan's of the belief that if a trailer shows you in two-and-a-half minutes what the entire film is about, the movie's not worth watching.)

While the teaser showed off the central relationship between Clair and Sabrina, the theatrical puts the love triangle/square through its paces.

First you see Clair and Nick, then Sabrina and Nick, stopping by Clair and Charlie Trout, and then Sabrina and Dylan, and how Clair and Dylan are connected. For a second Dan is swept up, thinking that this is probably the best thing he's ever seen because he's so _excited_.

Whoever made the trailer definitely caught the _A Midsummer's Night's Dream_ vibe Dan went for while writing the twisty romantic relations and went one step further into _Much Ado About Nothing _territory, because the whole thing has a very Shakespearean delightfully messy feel about it.

When it's over, CeCe turns to him.

"That looks fucked up," she says.

.

Marcia still questions Dan about the book he's writing, and Dan keeps telling her, he'll show it to her when it's done, she and CeCe will be the first to read it.

He knows she's not trying to pressure him, but sometimes her insistence to read what he's writing suffocates him.

Dan's never shown anyone his unfinished work if he could help it. The only person who would ever see something unpolished from him was Vanessa, and after she stole _Inside_ and had it published Dan's a little gun shy over the whole thing. He'll only trust someone whose job it was to keep those things from happening again, like his agent, to ever see his unfinished work again.

And though he's explained this to Marcia once or twice, it's as though she refuses to understand.

.

"_Don't marry him," said Henry. He shut the door behind him as he stepped inside the bridal suite._

_Jessica looked beautiful, swathed in white and her face uncovered by that hideous veil. She turned from the mirror to face him._

"_Why not?" she asked, defiant. "He loves me. He's kind to me. Unlike you," she added venomously. "I would have a good life with him."_

_And yet the hesitation in her eyes emboldened Henry to walk towards her and take her face between his hands. He looked her in the eyes and for once, he didn't despise what he saw there. Her vulnerability wasn't mixed with vindictiveness or malicious intent, it was raw and touchable. In her eyes was her heart._

"_Because you love me," he told her. "Because you've always been in love with me, ever since Columbia."_

"_No, I don't," Jessica lied in a whisper. "And even if I did, you don't love me back."_

"_I don't," agreed Henry, noticing her choice of words. "But I want you. Believe it or not, I'm actually starting to care about you, too. I can't understand why you'd marry a man you don't love."_

"_Better than a man who doesn't love me."_

"_Who said anything about marriage?" he asked. "I just want…"_

_Jessica tilted her face up and their lips met in a kiss. He tasted something sweet in her mouth; something inside him went warm and soft, that same something that had been cold and stiff ever since his father's death. Henry pulled her closer, wrapped his arms around her waist, and circled the small beads on her bodice._

"_Not for you," breathed Jessica when she pulled away. "Not because of you."_

_Henry watched as she picked up the train of her wedding dress and walked out of the bridal suite. He knew where she was headed, and it wasn't down the aisle._

.

Dan reads that scene over and over, and he knows what it is. He knows what it means to him.

He keeps it anyway.

.

It's been raining for two weeks straight.

When Dan lived in New York, he'd pictured California as this perpetually sunny place made up of beaches. Now that he's been here almost a year and a half, he knows that's all just a Hollywood lie. The only reason the state is so beautiful in the sunlight is because it rains hard and waters everything green.

Of course, when it doesn't rain for months the hills turn golden and it's just as beautiful.

Marcia tells him the northern part of the state is much, much rainier, and there's even snow. (He misses snow sometimes, when it's winter and the sun is out.)

Dan sits in the window seat of CeCe's study and stares out at the rain drops on her sprawling lawn, painfully self-aware of his cliché and pathetic behavior. Rain makes him melancholy, it always has, except this time he's nostalgic as well.

He misses New York. Not absent-mindedly, like he's done now and again when he catches sight of a movie poster, but agonizingly and with such a longing he can't ignore.

For seventeen months now Dan has been living in this house in Montecito (it's nearly May), but until this moment he's felt at home. Looking at the rain fall now, he feels as if he's on an extended vacation, biding his time until the weather shifts and he returns to New York.

.

Allison's ecstatic. She says they're done with the movie, they're just finishing with the score now, it hasn't been added and neither has the soundtrack, but come and see.

He does, and he brings Marcia as an apology for not showing her the book he's writing.

Dan doesn't move the entire time the movie is playing. He knows it's not a finished product but it's exactly what he saw in his head. Rachel does justice, more than justice to Clair, showing her vulnerability as well as her supreme Queen Bitch persona, and Olivia is so warm and earnest as the effortless Sabrina.

Marcia looks over at him from time to time. Dan takes her hand and caresses her skin with his thumb, but he can't look away.

The moment when Dylan realizes he has feelings for Clair gives Dan a lump in his throat.

When it's over, he turns to Marcia and smiles. She smiles back, but he can see it's not the bright smile he's used to witnessing.

.

Laura is going to the hospital, Dan decides as his fingers fly over the keyboard, after trying to kill her fiancé and commit suicide.

He really hopes Serena can tell that Laura is in no way based on her. If anything, she's a mix of Georgina, Vanessa, and Jenny. Having Serena upset with him is not exactly Dan's idea of fun; she pouts and it gets very uncomfortable when their parents start taking her side.

But it's important that Laura have this final, game-changing break, because Jessica has been avoiding Henry since the wedding that wasn't, while Henry's been falling in love with Jessica from afar. This interaction will force Henry to fully realize how his feelings have evolved.

Also, he wants a good scene between Laura and Henry, something simple (albeit heart-wrenching) that doesn't involve Jessica in any way.

Dan knows the ending of this story is coming soon, and he still doesn't know what it is.

.

Everything gets a little awkward when Dan's mother calls.

He hasn't thought of Allison Humphrey as his mother in a long time, not since she went to live in Hudson permanently and surrendered any thought of parental responsibility to him. Lily has been his mother, and she has loved him like a son.

"How are you?" he asks stiltedly, deliberately not using the word "mom".

"I'm good," Allison Humphrey tells him. "I'm getting married in a couple of months. To Alexander."

Of course she is. "Congratulations," says Dan unenthusiastically.

"I was just… wondering if you wanted to come," she says. "Jenny says she'll be in California that weekend, but I was hoping you might fly out to be here."

"Jenny's coming out to LA for my movie premiere," he informs her, "So I don't think so. Besides, I'll be busy spending time with the family. Dad and Lily are coming too."

"Oh," says Allison Humphrey.

"Yeah. Sorry." Dan hangs up.

.

"I hate her!" he vents to Marcia as she grades papers in his (CeCe's) dining room. "I just hate her so much. Three years and she doesn't say a word to me about anything. Now she wants me to come to her wedding with the man she cheated on my dad with?"

"Maybe she was just trying to reach out to you," Marcia suggests. She adjusts her reading glasses, and Dan finds the movement weirdly cute.

He shrugs and continues pacing. "Why now? I mean, she couldn't have started with a 'hi, how are you doing'?"

"What did you want her to say?" asks Marcia.

Dan sighs and flops into the chair next to her. He drops his head on the table, looking up at her face morosely.

"I don't know," he admits. "Maybe I would have liked to have heard a 'congratulations' after _Inside_ was published and became this big deal. Or she could have sent me a housewarming gift when I moved out here. I've had interviews in magazines so she knows about the movie, I know for a fact she subscribes to _Vogue_."

"You just want her approval."

"I just want her to act like she still cares about me."

.

The first TV spot for _Rumors_ plays during the last weekend of May. Dan's watching _America's Next Top Model_ with CeCe, rolling his eyes and yet unable to look away for long, when it cuts to commercials.

He's about to say loudly and obnoxiously "Finally!" just to see how irritated she could get when he sees Rachel Hennessey's face on the screen and knows it's Clair. Adele's "Rumor Has It" plays over the thirty-second promo and he sees a few funny shots.

Clair pushing Sabrina into a fountain. Sabrina shoving Clair's face into a cake. Charlie's "I can't believe you two are even friends," followed by Clair's "It's complicated." A shot of Nick laughing, Clair rolling her eyes, Sabrina posing for cameras on a runway in a fabulous and over-the-top dress.

_Rumors_, in theaters July 15th. Rated PG-13.

.

"_Here's the thing," said Henry, more and more nervous by the second. "My dad died last year, and for a long time I couldn't feel anything."_

_Jessica didn't express her sympathy, or her upset. She just stared at him, waiting for whatever came next. The lack of pity gave him the strength to continue._

"_But then you stole that book and I was so mad at you," he told her, laughing a little at the memory. "And you kept stealing it, and I was so angry but at least I felt something. I couldn't feel anything unless you were around. So I wanted to be around you all the time – I wanted _you_. I didn't expect to, and I'm sorry."_

"_Sorry for wanting me, or not expecting to want me?" she asked irritably._

"_Sorry for treating you like you were… convenient." Henry took a step forward, and she backed away the same distance. "I wasn't very good to you, especially when I realized how you felt about me."_

"_No, you weren't."_

_Henry breathed deeply and said, "I love you."_

_She stared at him. "What?"_

"_I love you," he said again. "Laura told me you were seeing someone new, and I know this is the worst possible time to say something like this, but I just thought you should know. I'm not asking for anything. If you're happy with this guy, then I'm happy for you. But after everything, I wanted to tell you that you made me feel again."_

_Jessica didn't say anything for a long, long time. She watched his face, and Henry felt himself go red with nervousness._

"_Henry," she finally said, "There is no one new." Each word was spoken with deliberate meaning, and he grinned once he understood._

_She walked past him to leave the bookstore, but Henry called after her._

"_Do you want to meet up for coffee sometime?"_

"_I think I could manage coffee," said Jessica, "But you'll have to work for it." She left._

.

Dan sits back and reads over that scene. He'll probably embellish it, he thinks. It's just the skeleton version of what's to come. But he knows that this is the last scene of the novel.

The story is done, the curtains are closed, and the resolution… is satisfying, if not conclusive. Henry doesn't deserve a simple, happy ending. He should work for it.

Isn't that how all love stories should be?

.

CeCe is a fan of the novel. She reads the rough draft in two days, a record for her when it comes to books.

(It took her two weeks to read the _Rumors_ script.)

She keeps talking about how Henry is a very interesting young man who reminds her of a certain Humphrey, and isn't it interesting how similar the two names are.

Dan hadn't realized until she said something. He'd actually drawn up Henry to resemble Chuck, but now that he thinks about it, Henry is a mix of Chuck and Dan and something different altogether. He's probably the most original character Dan has ever written.

Even though he promised Marcia she and CeCe would read the novel as soon as it was finished, Dan finds himself stalling when it comes to giving her the draft.

He wishes he didn't know why.

.

The second TV spot comes out the second week of June. Dan likes this one better.

The shot of Sabrina arriving home in a train, followed by a shot of Nick looking at her longingly while holding hands with Clair, as a voiceover of Sabrina says "Clair's my best friend, and she loves you, and you love her, and that's just how it has to be."

Clair and Dylan in the library together, Dylan saying, "I don't think she's that bad." Shot of Sabrina and Dylan laughing together on a date while Clair's voiceover says, "She's perfect. That's the problem."

Sabrina and Clair in Clair's foyer, Sabrina saying "I would give you everything I have if it meant we were friends again" and as she says this, a shot of Nick and Sabrina kissing and Sabrina posing for the cameras on the runway again.

Again, Charlie saying "I can't believe you two are even friends" and Clair's "It's complicated" as a voiceover while Charlie and Clair kiss in the back of a limo

_Rumors_, in theaters July 15th. Rated PG-13.

His excitement is barely containable.

.

TBC

.

A/N: *ducks rotten fruit* Okay, okay, I know the Dair dynamic is a little wretched at the moment, but… have faith! *is struck by a rotten tomato* Faith, I said! ~Also, a big heaping thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story or put it on favorites or alerts. Even you lurkers. _Especially_ you lurkers. I can't even handle how much positive response this story has gotten; it's making me write faster ^_^


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm not going back to New York**

.

Dan and CeCe both go to LAX to pick up their family and Nate (and doesn't Nate count as family anyway?) a week before the premiere.

CeCe is really just coming along to poke and prod her daughter until Lily snaps, which as she's confided in Dan is something she enjoys doing now and again. When you get old, Daniel, she tells him, you take pleasure in the simple things in life.

Like gin and provoking matricide, apparently.

.

Jenny's the first one he sees at the baggage claim. Dan can't believe how _normal_ she looks; her hair is that natural shade of blonde he grew up with, her eyes have only the faintest trace of makeup… and her smile is threatening to split her face.

She runs to Dan and throws herself in his arms, and he swings her around and around.

Dan's almost about to cry because here is his sister, and she looks so grown up and beautiful. He doesn't cry, of course, because he never cries, but the tears are prickling in the back of his eyes and it hurts just a little bit. It's been far too long since he's seen Jenny and not the makeup she wore.

Serena and Eric follow, and Dan spares a huge, brotherly hug for Eric and a soft one for Serena. She smiles at him warmly, no trace of longing or hurt in her eyes.

They've finally gotten past everything. They are where they're supposed to be.

Then there's Nate, who grabs Dan in an unmanly hug and squeezes for about a minute, saying hey man, I've missed you, I totally need to meet Marcia, how are you, I've really missed you…

Rufus and Lily, who grab him in a joint parent embrace like the prodigal son.

CeCe, coming up to stand beside them. "Lily, dear, your hair is looking a little flat."

.

Nate sets himself up in the guest room right next to Dan's, citing best friend time when Jenny pouts and Eric makes noise about how he's used that room the last two times he came out to visit so it's technically his as this point.

"I know you're not going to stay up talking to me," Nate says to Dan later. "I mean, I love you, man, but I've got a lot of things to do for the _Spectator_. So does Serena, so don't distract her."

"How would I distract her?" Dan asks, confused.

"You know, it's Serena," says the equally unfocused blonde.

.

When Lily checks herself and Rufus into a hotel nearby only a day after everyone's arrival, CeCe is frighteningly smug.

Dan reminds himself that living with a high-functioning alcoholic actually does have its drawbacks… but this is not one of them.

.

The night Marcia comes over for dinner, Dan is certain she'll take one look at his insane family and run screaming in the other direction.

It's really nerves that make him think this; she knows CeCe, and she's met Eric and Serena before (briefly, but enough to make an impression). Everyone likes Nate, it's impossible not to, and while the "meet the parents" thing is always nerve-wracking, Dan has to admit the one girlfriend he's had that required a "meet the parents" moment actually went over well.

The second time, that is. Oh god, Olivia… he'll have to tease her about that at the premiere.

But Marcia seems to like Rufus and Lily, and Jenny takes a shine to her.

As they sit there in CeCe's grand dining room, Ernest in company beside Dan and Marcia for his "meet the daughter" moment, it strikes Dan that Marcia fits in with his makeshift and ragtag family better than he'd ever imagined.

(It hurts to admit he's never actually imagined it.)

.

Jenny steps into his room later, after dinner is over and goodbyes have been said.

"I like her," she tells Dan. "She's way too good for you, so don't mess this up."

"Not planning to."

.

The premiere takes place a week before the actual movie is released. Dan can hardly hold in his excitement the day of, which comes out at random intervals in loud whoops and _Stomp_ inspired beatings on various surfaces. Unsurprisingly, Rufus is doing the same thing.

Jenny threatens him with bodily harm the first time he grabs her around the shoulders and squeezes her so tightly her eyeballs were about to pop out.

The second time, she carries out on that threat, and Dan is fairly sure explaining the bruise on his chest to Marcia will be a very awkward conversation.

Even being put in a tux for the first time in over a year does nothing to dampen Dan's spirits. This moment, it's wonderful and terrible because he's about to introduce something he saw in his head to the world, and if they like it, his whole reality could go for a spin, and if they hate it, same thing except not so much a spin as a downward spiral.

But he's trying not to think about that. Allison made this film shine, and he has to have faith in her, and the actors, because it's not just his movie anymore.

.

Dan sort of wants to sneak off with Marcia before the film begins, because they're on the red carpet right now and she looks amazing. Except he's so nervous he would probably …ahem, arrive early, and thoroughly embarrass himself.

It's also because, despite numerous Upper East Side parties and a few red carpet premieres under his belt, Dan still hates these things.

Not that he's uncomfortable or feeling out of place – quite the opposite, which is the problem.

Serena doesn't seem to mind at all, however. She's busy chatting up movie stars and tech billionaires as if it's any ordinary day (which, for Serena, is actually the case).

Everyone he knows and cares for is here, in Los Angeles, to celebrate his anticipated success. Dan has to pinch himself, because even more than the film this moment is a dream come true. Marcia and Lily are talking animatedly about the various gowns, while Rufus and Nate look out of place in their tuxes but find some solace in Ernest's company. Eric and Jenny are busy gossiping about the very celebrities Serena is chatting up.

.

Dan spots Allison and her husband (or, he assumes the man beside her is her husband) and waves them over.

"Allison, you remember Nate," he says with a hint of CeCe's malicious glee. Possibly she's a bad influence.

Nate grins. "Hey, Allison, it's great to see you again," he says sincerely, and holds out a hand for her to shake.

Her face is blissful and slightly blank as she returns the gesture.

After a few seconds of this, Dan takes pity on her. "I'd like you to meet my dad and stepmom," he says, and leads her over to where Rufus has joined Lily and Marcia. She snaps out her Nate-coma then, and starts gushing about Dan, he's so wonderful, and he protests but not-so-secretly thrills at the accolades.

.

When Olivia arrives with her entourage and drummer boyfriend, Dan points her out to Serena. "Go take a picture with her," he says.

"What?" she looks at him bewilderedly.

"Come on; it'll be great," Dan encourages. "Serena and Sabrina. You know it's going to be one of the big moments of the night."

Serena looks at him with barely-suppressed laughter, but she heads to Olivia's side and quickly gets the starlet's attention. Olivia glances back at Dan and seems to get his intent much quicker than Serena; she wraps an arm around Serena's waist and smiles for the cameras.

A film crew steps up and a journalist holds out a microphone.

Dan catches one line from Olivia:

"…my inspiration, actually, since I already knew her and how sweet she is."

.

When they go inside, the Rhodes/van der Woodsen/Humphrey clan has an entire row of seats reserved in the seventh row. Dan sits in the middle, with Jenny on one side and Marcia on the other.

"If you're sitting with the two most important women in your life, Daniel, I think your priorities are a little off," CeCe comments archly from the end of the row.

"I sit with you every day," he points out.

"That's hardly the point," she says.

Dan shakes his head with a small smile. "Fine. Next movie premiere, just you and me. Sound alright?"

CeCe pretends to think about it. "I suppose," she finally cedes.

Jenny whispers in his ear, "Didn't she hate you once upon a time ago?"

.

Dan holds Marcia's hand as the room darkens, and she squeezes, giving him a beatific, supporting smile.

"It's starting!" Jenny squeals to his right, and wraps her arms around Eric excitedly.

After the production company logos come and go, "Young Folks" starts playing over a black screen, eventually showing shots of New York and then Grand Central, then an incoming train, where Olivia's face as Sabrina stares out the window contemplatively.

.

As Charlie Trout tries to take advantage of Sabrina and Nate confesses his feelings for and tryst with Sabrina to a distraught Clair, Dan tries to listen in on a conversation happening behind him.

"_I don't know_," one of them says.

"_Well, it's excellently shot_," the other whispers, "_So good for the director. I'm not sure about the story though. It's like I'm watching a teen soap._"

"_Isn't that the point?_"

"_Maybe; I just expected more_."

Dan cringes; it's not that he's expecting universal applause, but there's a part of him that (still) just wants to be liked and accepted, and hearing out loud that no, not everything that comes out of his mind is going to touch or inspire people… well, it sucks.

.

"I don't think she's that bad," Dylan says to Clair after listening to her rant about Sabrina.

"No, she's perfect; that's the problem," snaps Clair, and continues pacing.

Dylan rolls his eyes. "Oh, yeah; your best friend is nice, funny, sweet, supportive, and oh yeah, she's hot. That's a huge problem, really."

Clair looks like she's been slapped. "You think she's hot?"

"Um… yeah," says Dylan. "I mean, I _did_ agree to go on a date with her. What, you thought I'd take her to the library and discuss Victorian literature and the merits of early French films because I'm so interested in her mind?"

"That's what we do," she reminds him, sitting down heavily at the round table.

"Yeah, but we're just friends; that's different."

.

It's the scene with Clair and Sabrina that makes Serena lean three seats over, across Nate and Marcia, to take his hand and squeeze. The scene where Clair goes hysterical, blaming Sabrina for taking everything away from her.

"I would give you everything I have if it meant we were friends again," Sabrina pronounces passionately in Clair Carlyle's foyer. "None of it matters to me like you do, C."

"Then why?" Clair nearly screams (Dan is thoroughly impressed with Rachel's acting here; she's psychotic and vulnerable all at once). "If you don't want –"

"It's not about what I want, it's about what you need – what _we_ need," says Sabrina. "You're my family."

Clair softens a little, though she's still in a frenzy. "I don't want to fight with you," she says, sounding very tired. "It's too hard. You always win."

"I don't want to fight either. If you really want, I won't see Dylan anymore." Olivia's delivery here is fantastic. "I'll give up Yale. Just… can we be Clair and Sabrina again? You and me against the world?" The girls are in near tears, and Dan's throat is constricted a little.

Serena's hand holds his and says everything they can't tell each other out loud.

.

"You told Sabrina she couldn't see me anymore?" Dylan rages at Clair outside the library.

Dan watches this scene in avid fascination; for some reason, fighting with Blair brings the fire into his world and though he's already seen the movie and written the script, this moment is his addiction.

Clair gives Dylan a well-deserved eye roll. "It was her idea. We're trying to start fresh."

"So because Nick broke up with you, Sabrina can't date anyone either?" Dylan demands, and then catches the look on her face. "Or, she just can't date me," he correctly deduces.

"If Sabrina really wanted to date you, she wouldn't have suggested breaking up with you in the first place," Clair says breezily, but Rachel plays it so the audience can tell she's just a little bitter about this truth, and her slight apprehension of talking about this with Dylan.

Dylan shakes his head. "You can't just put a dating fatwa on me; I like her, Clair. I want to be with her. Why can't you be okay with that?"

"_Because you're mine!_" shouts Clair.

In the seconds that follow, Clair looks shocked at her outburst, Dylan is disapproving and leaves her standing there… and Marcia shifts ever so subtly away in her seat beside Dan.

.

"Listen to me; I'm in love with you, Sabrina," Nick says on the large screen.

Dan looks over at Nate and Serena nervously; he hadn't considered how they'd feel about their ill-fated love story romanticized for fiction. Serena is fixated on the scene, while Nate is looking at her.

"Nick," Sabrina starts, but Nick interrupts her.

"No, I know what you're going to say, but you have to admit something always brings us back together," he says. "No matter what we do, who we date, what we say – we're connected. I've always loved you, and I know you've always loved me, somewhere inside you."

"Clair's my best friend," Sabrina protests (for the third time). "I can't… we can't…"

But she doesn't protest as Nick cups her cheek in his palm and kisses her. In fact, for the first time in the whole movie she looks at peace.

And in the seats, Dan watches Serena and Nate exchange long looks full of meaning only to them.

.

"Why won't you talk to me?" Clair demands as Dylan gets up from the table in the school courtyard and walks away.

Charlie Trout slinks up behind Dylan (Dan loves this actor, he's gross and yet so charming) and puts his arm around him. "So, the romance is dead?"

"I'm pretty sure everyone knows about Sabrina and me from Ultimate Insider already, but nice try," Dylan says. He shrugs off Charlie's arm angrily.

"I meant you and Clair, Hunter, you half-wit," Charlie drawls.

"What? We were never dating."

Charlie plays with his long scarf, something Dan loves as a small gesture towards Chuck. "Oh really? My mistake. I was so sure you two had something on the side while she and Nick were busy not having anything. Well, something PG rated; after all, she gave it up to me as a little side-project. Our Clair's fast, I'll give her that."

Dylan punches Charlie in the face, and the rich snob goes down hard.

Charlie laughs, holding his jaw. "I knew it. You're in love with her."

The look on Dylan's face as he opens his mouth to deny it, shakes his head a little, and then realizes it… Dan had a lot of talks with Allison about that moment because he saw it so clearly in his head, and it looks and feels just the way he wants it to. Especially the following moment, as Dylan puts his hand to his chest and rubs a little.

"I'm… I'm not…" he starts.

"Please don't insult my intelligence, Hunter," Charlie says as he stands up. "The way you look at her says everything."

And then it clicks. "So are you," Dylan realizes.

.

Dan won't deny that, when Dylan arrives at Clair's penthouse only two scenes later and they proceed to have passionate, impulsive sex (set to "Memories" by Within Temptation, a song equal parts cheesy and beautiful, though he'd never admit it out loud), he gets flustered and uncomfortable.

Because imagining a sex scene is one thing, and writing it is quite another (embarrassing, really), so watching one that he's _written_ and _imagined_ with both fictional characters and their real-life counterparts…

The painful truth is he and Blair have only exchanged two kisses, one of which was awkward and unsure and the other was staged – his last grasp at knowing if what he felt was real or not – and neither were passionate or impulsive. They were both premeditated events that ended in her desiring another man.

If this was a room full of strangers, Dan might be able to handle it. Except his family is here, and Nate, and Marcia, and they know Clair is a thinly-veiled Blair Waldorf, and everyone knows about his unrequited pining for her by now, and that this is just a fantasy.

It makes for good symmetry, he argues in favor of the Dylan/Clair romance. It's the most natural place for the narrative to go.

Of course, since it's his narrative, that argument doesn't exactly hold water.

.

Dan stays in reflection about his feelings for Blair until the final scene of the movie (missing the Charlie Trout funeral, the confrontation between Nick, Sabrina, Clair, and Dylan with the requisite moping lovers montage, Clair's rejection from Yale, and even the scene where Clair confesses her feelings for Dylan to Sabrina and Sabrina her feelings for Nick).

In that moment, he puts aside his brooding thoughts and leans forward anxiously, because this is the part he's most nervous about in terms of audience reception. "New York City" by Among Savages plays over the montage during and after the graduation ceremony.

Dylan waits in solitude, shifting from foot to foot in front of the library, when he gets a text. As he pulls out his phone, the scene shifts to Nick, who is surrounded by fellow graduated classmates and grabbing a glass of champagne when he also receives a text.

On Dylan's phone, a text from Clair: _Sorry, can't make it._

On Nick's phone, a text from Sabrina: _I have somewhere I need to be._

Both boys look up and out pensively, knowing that romances are probably over for good this time.

And then a shot of a private plane on the runway and Clair and Sabrina, laughing, hand-in-hand, running off on a great adventure with each other for the summer. They walk up the stairs, take a look back at New York City, and then are off to see the world.

The screen fades to black, and then reads "Directed by Allison Thompson."

Dan grins like a lunatic when a cheer breaks out, then thundering applause, and a standing ovation.

.

"I liked the photos over the credits," Serena says in the limo ride home.

She looks dreamy and sated, and is positioned next to Nate in a way Dan is certain cannot be mere happenstance. The moment they'd stepped out of the theater, Serena had found him in the crowd and wrapped her arms around him in a long-lasting hug. Now she's just waxing poetic about the film.

"The photos?" Jenny says, frowning. "What photos?"

"The ones at the end," answers Serena with something close to condescension. "Weren't you watching? They had childhood pictures of Clair and Sabrina."

"Not just that," Marcia puts in (and is it Dan's imagination or does she sound… subdued?). "They also had pictures of the two on their post-high school adventures. I liked the one of them in Venice. It was obviously a set, but it was cute."

Dan takes her hand and strokes her palm gently.

"I just liked having my own character," Nate contributes smugly, and the entire limo alternately groans and begs him to let go of the Derek thing already.

.

When Dan wakes up the next morning, Marcia isn't beside him. They hadn't made love after getting home, just dropped into bed and a deep sleep.

She always wakes him up if she's leaving, so he knows she's here. Dan throws on some halfway respectable clothes in anticipation of wandering all over the house, but he finds her in the room next over – the small retiring room that he uses as an office.

Marcia sits in the window seat and looks out onto the lawn. She looks up when the floorboards squeak under his socked feet.

"You finished the book," she says simply.

Dan's stomach lurches violently. "How did you..."

"CeCe told me," says Marcia. "She gave me her copy, told me she was impressed with it. Said I would like it." She shrugs a little.

"And…"

"And I haven't read it yet," she tells him. "You obviously didn't give it to me for a reason."

He sighs, and surrenders. "I'd like you to."

.

The official reviews of _Rumors_ aren't up until Friday, but Dan isn't sure if he can wait that long. While the reception at the premiere was definitely positive, he can't help but worry.

Nate takes him out to a club and they spend some quality time catching up. The ease of their friendship existed long before the friendship even began, and they have no trouble returning to the natural rhythm of every interaction between them.

For the most part, it distracts Dan from waiting on critical reception over _Rumors_, as well as Marcia's response to his untitled novel.

He especially enjoys teasing Nate about Tuesday morning after Marcia left, and Dan caught Serena's walk of shame from Nate's room, though Nate is surprisingly tight-lipped about the whole thing.

"It's not something yet," he keeps saying, as if Dan doesn't know otherwise.

.

Meghan calls him on Wednesday. "I got the advance _New York Times_ review," she says. "Do you want it?"

"Do I?" he asks nervously.

"Yes." She emails it over.

.

_**Diamonds **__**Are **__**Nothing**__  
>A girl's best friend is someone she can rely on above all others, and that's worth more than precious jewels and heavy metals.<em>

_The premise of _Rumors_ comes across like your average teen flick; shallow, love-struck, and filled with a cheap happy ending. I can honestly say that when I stepped into that theater with my notebook and pen, I was ready to write a scathing review of yet another dull summer production. But the film itself was a pleasant surprise._

_We start out solely with the returning Sabrina's point of view: a sad, beautiful young woman returns home and meets resistance from her best friend Clair. The audience – those who haven't read _Inside_ – is lead to believe that Clair will be Sabrina's antagonist throughout the movie, constantly trying to sabotage the newly reformed bad girl at every turn. But, as it turns out, Clair's boyfriend Nick is in love with Sabrina, so much so that he and Sabrina had drunken sex before Sabrina left town, and Clair's new best frenemy Dylan is infatuated with the blonde._

_It's a credit to Olivia Burke that Sabrina von Sloneker doesn't come across as a shallow, self-obsessed teenager, because many of her actions throughout the film involve taking things that are Clair's without even trying to – Burke makes sure that Sabrina also doesn't want to. She is genuinely concerned for Clair and her happiness. Likewise, one can't help but feel sympathy for newcomer Rachel Hennessey's Clair Carlyle, who in one moment schemes to ruin Sabrina and in the next is vomiting up her lunch because of her extreme insecurity regarding her best friend._

_Neither Sabrina nor Clair are the villains here, which provides an interesting dynamic. Director Allison Thompson chooses to portray both girls as the star of the film, something that pays off in the struggle for dominance between the two as Sabrina first surrenders her advantage in the interest of her best friend, and then eventually takes to the spotlight after one Clair scheme too far. The audience is rooting for both Clair and Sabrina to come out on top in that battle because they both deserve it. But most importantly, even during the fighting, Hennessey and Burke play the friendship first and everything else second. We don't see much of the girls' history together (except at the end, in a photo montage) and it isn't necessary because the level of devotion is always present._

_Of course, that devotion is tested by Nick Armstrong and Dylan Hunter. Nick and Dylan are both interested in Sabrina, and although Josh Greer does play Nick's affections for Clair in the beginning of the film it's more like a childhood romance rather than the forbidden love Nick and Sabrina share. Clair's upset over Nick and Sabrina's betrayal the year before nearly threatens to destroy the friendship the girls share, but Sabrina's budding relationship with Dylan is what actually turns out to be the deal breaker. I wouldn't call myself a shipper, but watching Clair go into hysterics over losing her friend and intellectual rival was grin-worthy._

_The fun part of watching these romances play out is that none of them are like the other. Nick and Clair have that first crush feel, while Nick and Sabrina are, as stated above, forbidden love. Sabrina and Dylan perfectly represent "opposites attract" in contrast to Dylan and Clair's romantic comedy, friends-to-lovers vibe. A love story for every occasion._

_While there are several love stories going on at once, I found _Rumors_ to be the ultimate platonic love story between two best friends. Like any New Yorker, I read _Inside_ and even liked it, but after seeing _Rumors_ it's clear, as author Dan Humphrey has stated several times, that the two are different entities. _Inside_ is all about Dylan Hunter, Humphrey's fictional counterpart, and his relationship with Clair. It's fun, and trashy, and has several good things to say about surveillance culture._

Rumors_ says a lot of good things. It presents one of the big questions teenagers need to ask to grow up: how much does what I like have to do with the fact that others like (or don't like) those things? It tells teenage girls that happy endings aren't necessarily romantic. There's a fun B-plot involving Dylan's little sister Frankie who interns with Clair's mother at Edith Carlyle Couture, where young Frankie tries to follow her dreams of fashion and being the next Queen B after Clair's graduation, and how her social climbing drive destroys her professional career and crashes her social life down around her, which is fascinating to watch; Frankie is manifest the desire to affect the world we live in. And, just as in _Inside_, Charlie Trout reminds us all that we are nothing without people to validate our existence through love._

_Bottom line is that _Rumors_ is a wonderful teen movie for all ages, and for all levels of entertainment. I could squeal about Dylan and Clair for hours with fans of the movie just as easily as I could write an essay on the existentialism of Charlie Trout, or the dichotomy of self in Frankie Hunter. Even slimy Charlie is loveable in this less-than-perfect ensemble. Don't pass judgment on the contents of the movie until you watch the whole thing, because _Rumors_ is the summer movie you don't want to miss._

.

Okay, his head grew twice its normal size after reading that.

.

Marcia shows up Thursday morning, the bound copy of his novel in her hands.

"Did you… was it okay?" Dan asks nervously. He sees her expression and just knows something is horribly wrong.

"It's very well written," Marcia tells him, and then is silent for a long while.

He watches her walk in circles around the kitchen island, trailing her fingers on the marble. It's a nervous habit of hers, he knows, except usually as she circles something Marcia tells him the matter. Now she isn't saying a thing, and he's not sure what to make of it.

"For the longest time," she says abruptly, "I thought Serena was your muse. I mean, she's been in all your stories, and I was okay with that. I like Serena. I know whatever happened between you two is over, and if she inspires you, I'm happy for you. But Serena's nowhere to be found in this book, and it's the best thing you've ever written."

Dan quickly quashes the rush of pride he feels at those last words, because now is not the time.

He steadies himself with a breath. "What's this about?" he says, though he already knows.

"Are you in love with Blair Waldorf?" Marcia asks. "Because that's what this book is telling me. That's what _Rumors_ kept telling me, and I didn't think it was anything more than some weird high school fantasy, but it's not, is it? You love her. She's your muse."

He doesn't deny it. He doesn't say anything.

"I knew it," she says angrily. "I knew you were hung up on someone when we started dating. Did you ever love me, Dan?"

"Of course I did!" he defends himself, hurt. "I do, I love you."

"Not like this," snaps Marcia, shaking the pages at him furiously.

"That's not how it is with me and Blair," Dan starts, and is about to go on about how they're friends and nothing's ever happened, but she cuts him off.

"I'm not talking about Henry and Jessica," she tells him. "It's the way you write Jessica, even when Henry hates her, you write her _lovingly_, _adoringly_. Even the bad stuff. You write her like she's your soul mate or something."

Dan shakes his head. "There's no such thing as soul mates," he answers weakly. "And even if there were, Blair and I aren't –"

"Aren't what?" she interrupts. "Connected? In love?" when Dan doesn't answer, Marcia puts the pages down. "I'm not going to be the girl you settle for," she tells him.

"You aren't."

"You're lying."

He can't exactly deny it. Marcia turns and leaves the kitchen, and moments later Dan hears the front door slam shut.

.

TBC

.

A/N: While I do think CeCe's death on the actual show was the best creative decision since… well, since the Dair arc last season, in this story she's fucking immortal, okay? CeCe lives. Fun fact: I picked the Among Savages song way before 5x17 aired. Like, over two weeks ago by now. Kismet, y'all. There is as long and semi-hilarious story about why this part was so long in coming, far too long to detail here, so I'll give you some words and phrases and you can pick the funniest narrative in your head: Sick girl. Writer's indecision. Purgatory via coffee cake. Cleaning frenzy. Dair happiness coma.

Thanks so much for being the best people ever, btw. I love you guys for reading this story and actually liking it, and saying wonderful things. My heart cannot take this joy ^_^


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm not going back to New York**

.

When Dan wakes up from his drunken, moping stupor on Friday morning, he can't quite place the face in front of him. He expects it to be Marcia, because nearly a year he's woken up and she's been there, but this is definitely not Marcia.

Marcia doesn't have stubble.

Eventually, Dan's memory catches up with him. Of course Marcia isn't here, because he's an idiot who clings to love long past. No, this is Eric, large brown eyes concerned.

"How's it going?" his stepbrother asks, and Dan realizes that his voice is very, very loud and it hurts. He also realizes, as Eric's head shifts slightly to the right, that the sun is shining directly into his room and it is too fucking bright. His eyes well up with tears because goddamn it, this is way too much.

"Urgh," is the sound Dan comes up with in response, and tugs the sheets over his head.

Eric pats his back awkwardly. "Hey, your movie's officially out today," he says hesitantly. "I think some of the reviews are online, if you want to read them. It might cheer you up."

"Shut up," pleads Dan, but decides to read a couple anyway.

.

_While thoroughly entertaining, _Rumors_ has the unfortunate distinction of too much story. There's so much information packed into just under two hours of film the audience barely has time to breathe – from Frankie Hunter's own little story to the Charlie Trout tragedy, the entire production moves so fast one barely has time to process the information. This is not the fault of the director or the writer, both of whom do a good job at providing something unique, but rather the producers who didn't tell them to leave more things on the cutting room floor. –Chicago Sun Times_

.

_From the beginning shot of Olivia Burke's flat, unimpressive Sabrina to the end credit photo montage, _Rumors_ is a painful exercise in revisiting one's high school experience. None of the characters are remotely likeable, nor do they show an ounce of remorse for ruining each other's lives. The film is overstuffed with useless characters that service the plot only – Charlie Trout is a walking, talking plot device, telling the audience what director Allison Thompson obviously can't show. Of course, considering that none of the actors are even remotely convincing in their roles (with the possible exception of Rachel Hennessey as neurotic control freak Clair Carlyle) this mouthpiece is probably the most useful character around._

_Perhaps Clair and Sabrina's friendship is supposed to be impressive, but I don't see it. Aside from the fact that the girls swap boyfriends over the course of the movie, Sabrina takes away everything Clair has ever cared about while Clair sabotages Sabrina at every turn. The only impressive character is Frankie, with her relatable drive to succeed in life instead of running around, wearing pretty clothes and saying petty things. _Rumors_ is a miss-able, predictable teen soap, and we already have enough of those to last a life time. Do your wallet a favor and don't waste the time. –San Francisco Chronicle_

.

This is certainly not cheering him up.

Fucking Mick LaSalle.

.

Nate comes in to visit Dan during his sojourn under the covers. "What's wrong?" he asks.

"What's wrong?" Dan pokes his head out of his cocoon, bewildered. "Marcia, my girlfriend for nearly a year, broke up with me. I think I told you that about twenty times last night when I was drunk in the lobby of Lily's hotel, and then ten more times when you brought me home. You know she broke up with me."

"No, dumbass, why?" Nate says, rolling his eyes. "What's wrong with you two? What happened?"

Dan groans. "Look, man, I really don't want to talk about it."

"Tough luck."

"You're going to yell at me."

"Tough luck."

"Fine. It's about Blair. I still have feelings for her, Marcia thinks I never loved her, it's all just… fucked."

Nate shakes his head. "You two are the most stubborn, resistant, willfully ignorant people I know."

"Marcia isn't stubborn," Dan defends her, wondering how the hell Nate can be editor-in-chief of a magazine when he can't hold a simple narrative straight in his head.

"I'm not talking about Marcia anymore." Nate gives him a look, like, keep up you idiot. It's depressingly ironic.

.

Jenny is the next one they send in. She wrinkles her nose at the sight of him, with his covers bunched up and his head determinedly buried under his pillows _because they smell like Marcia, okay_.

"Dan, I told you not to screw this up," she scolds, and grabs the pillows away. When Dan groans in protest, she starts beating him with one of the fluffier ones until he gives up and rolls away to just make her stop. He ends up rolling onto the floor and collapsing in a heap.

He lays there for a minute, fully basking in his pathetic-ness, before sitting up.

She looks him up and down. "Shower," she instructs. "Now, or I'm throwing you in the lawn and hosing you down."

.

So, when he finally comes downstairs, cleaned up and shaved and looking decent, Jenny is fully made up and dangling the keys of the Tesla expectantly. Her purse is large and full, and he sees a towel peeking out from the depths. Eric sits at the counter pretending _not_ to be expecting anything, as if he isn't transparent after all this time.

Dan drives them down to the beach club, choosing to sit inside and not look at his sister wearing a skimpy bikini. Every hour or so Eric comes in and hangs with him for a while, checking reviews of _Rumors _on his smart phone ("_Entertainment Weekly_ really likes it" "Oh… don't read the one from _The Wall Street Journal_").

He won't deny he likes the company, and that it's decidedly healthier than lounging under gross, sweaty sheets… but Dan wants his girlfriend back.

.

They go out to see another movie that came out today, some Adam Sandler "comedy" that Nate swears will be hilarious and Serena's rolling her eyes the entire drive to the theater. Dan refrains from telling Nate that fart jokes do not equal humor, because the last time he did Nate came at him with _Spanglish_ and _Longfellow Deeds_ and that's an experience he does not wish on any of his siblings.

(Okay, so those movies were actually good, but listening to Nate passionately declare every halfway hilarious line as the "best joke ever" is Dan's idea of purgatory.)

He doesn't fail to notice that, for a brief moment as Eric treats them to the tickets, Serena brushes her hand against Nate's in the softest caress. Dan almost wants to say something, to tease them, but Jenny's here and he knows the former tension between Jenny and Serena was about Nate and it looks so private…

The movie is marginally funny, and completely forgettable, but what Dan remembers from that night is the succession of moviegoers in the line for tickets, most of them requesting _Rumors_ for their evening fair. Each time he hears it ("two for _Rumors_" "five for _Rumors_, please" "hi, I'd like two tickets for the 9:30 _Rumors_") a little thrill runs through him.

Jenny squeezes his hand excitedly as they leave the movie theater. You're gonna be famous, she says.

.

Meghan stops by on Saturday morning.

"Have you seen the box office feed?" she says excitedly, iPad in hand. "_Rumors_ is currently at number two on the box office; obviously _Avengers 2_ is still number one from last week but since it's estimated to hold that spot for at least two more weeks, number two is really number one. We're way ahead of that Sandler flick, as if anyone would pay to see that."

"Meghan," Dan starts nervously.

"The tomato-meter on "Rotten Tomatoes" is at 70% which is pretty good, considering. They should be grading on a curve – fucking Mick LaSalle – but over a two-thirds majority works for congress so it definitely holds in the eye of the public for films…" Meghan purses her lips. "Then again, if we got more peer reviews, that could hold some water with some of the highbrow audience –"

"Meghan," he says louder, and she breaks off to stare at him in confusion. Dan clears his throat. "Not that I don't appreciate all this, because I really, really do, but, uh… you should know, Marcia kind of broke up with me."

For a second, sisterly concern passes over her face. Then Meghan raises her eyebrows at him. "Does this mean you'll stop writing?"

"No," Dan answers, confused.

"Then it has no bearing on our professional relationship," she tells him. "I was your agent before you were Marcia's boyfriend; nothing's changed. Now, can we get back to the amazing splash _Rumors_ is making? Because you, me, and everyone on this project is making lots of money. I haven't even told you about the social media buzz; we're trending worldwide on Twitter."

.

There's an itch in the back of his mind, like, there's a story about to come forth and start telling itself.

Dan stomps it down since it's probably about Blair like most of his stories are, and that's the very problem that broke him and Marcia up. Stubbornly (stupidly), he chooses to believe that, somehow, if he represses the urge to write, she'll come back to him.

.

"So, you and Nate, huh?" he asks Serena as they sit poolside for a lazy Sunday morning.

Serena looks guilty. "It just… happened," she explains. "I mean, what Nick said in the movie and, Nate, I just… I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry; I'm in love with _your_ best friend," Dan points out. "Fair's fair."

She laughs a little and relaxes into the reclining chair. "I guess," she agrees.

He grins and slumps into his own seat. "I have to ask, though, 'cause Nate won't tell me a thing – is it serious with you guys?"

"I don't know yet," says Serena. "I mean, Nate and I, it feels inevitable, like we're eventually going to get married and have kids and grow old together… which is crazy, because the one time we did date it didn't turn out very well."

"Yeah… we might have fucked that up," Dan allows. He frowns. "Remember when you told me I was the love of your life?"

"Remember when you told me we couldn't possibly know that at our ages?" she fires back.

"Good point," he says. Dan looks at the chlorine-filled pool, the pretending Caribbean blue water, and says again, "Good point."

.

_Rumors_ comes out of the box office weekend at number two, which Meghan tells him (and CeCe, lounging in the kitchen with a glass of gin forever in her hand) is exactly where they want to be. Better, even, because teen flicks often don't make it past number four at the most. Also, considering _Avengers 2_, an above-expectations get.

Meghan spouts off more numbers from her iPad, almost vibrating from excitement, but Dan barely hears them. He's in a daze of elation.

CeCe tells him once Marcia leaves that _Rumors_ has so far made $32M in ticket sales; given that the budget of the production was a little under three million (Olivia Burke is expensive to hire), this can only be a good thing.

.

Dan hears Nate calling his name while Dan is busy editing his novel; nothing fancy, just adding a few words here, changing phrases and things.

He ignores Nate, but after the tenth time it gets a little irritating.

"What?" he snaps, finally entering the room next door. Nate sits at his computer. "What YouTube video is so important for me to see now, because I swear to god the dancing dog isn't funny after you've seen it five times."

Nate moves a little to the left and …Blair is on the screen.

Dan doesn't move. His whole body is in shock, his mind is racing – yeah, her face is slightly pixelated but it's still _her_, and it feels like years ago when she showed up in his doorway wearing a princess's dress. There's no breath in him.

"Hi," she says, and looks so vulnerable he can't help but to feel for her.

"I'll leave you guys alone," Nate tells Dan, and gives him a pat on the shoulder as he leaves. Dan has a strong, strange urge to grab his friend and beg him to stay.

But he doesn't. He walks to the computer, sits in the chair, and drinks in the sight of her. Blair seems to do the same; her eyes are searching his for something he doesn't know if he can give without shattering his life apart from hers. Behind her are the trappings of Chuck's penthouse in the Empire, which Dan tries to ignore.

"I'm sorry," he says at last. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that."

"Don't be," says Blair, looking down. "You were right. And I have terrible timing."

"Yeah, you do, and I was, but… I mean, I didn't have to be mean about it," he tells her, reveling a little in the win.

She smiles at him. "I think you kind of did," she confesses. "I was just… I didn't think you'd love someone who wasn't me, and the way you talk about her… I was jealous, and I was scared I'd lose you. Turns out, I ended up pushing you away instead."

Dan grins despite his better judgment. "Blair Wal… Bass was jealous? Over me?"

"Much as it pains me to admit it… yes," says Blair. "I'm completely jealous of how that Hollywood harlot got you to fall in love with her and I hope she makes you miserable."

"Well, she's not Hollywood or a harlot, but your wish is granted," he tells her. "Marcia broke up with me."

Despite her declaration, Blair looks horrified. "What? Oh, Dan, I'm so sorry for you," she says.

"Those were some well-chosen words."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Blair responds primly. "What happened? You two seemed so happy."

"She read my latest novel," says Dan. "I guess she picked up on how much you inspire what I write. Anyway, we got into a fight over, well, you."

Blair looks floored and a little disbelieving. "I inspire you?"

"I love you," he says quietly, impulsively. "I'm not going to pretend I don't, or withhold it from you for some stupid game. I love you, Blair."

"Oh," she whispers. "Well, in that case… I love you, too."

He sits with that for a minute, digesting the huge, tiny moment.

"Doesn't change anything, though," Dan points out. "You're still married, with a baby. I'm still in L.A. Nothing is going to happen between us. Nothing _can_ happen between us, except friendship, and I don't know if I can be friends with you when I know how you feel."

"We don't have to be just friends," Blair says, tentative.

He leans back in the chair. "What are you proposing, Wal… what are you proposing, an emotional affair?"

"Why not?" she asks. "And for god's sake, Humphrey, you can call me Waldorf."

Dan sighs. "I can't… I can't think about this right now. I mean, I am still sort of friends with Chuck, and Marcia _just_ broke up with me. I don't want to –"

"Fine," Blair says, cutting him off. "That's fine." Her face is stone cold.

"Don't hate me for this," he implores gently. "This thing between us, it isn't just about you."

"I know," she says, and breathes deeply, in and out. "I know. Can we talk about something else?"

"Sure," Dan allows. "What's on your mind?"

She shrugs. "There's a new artist debuting in a Brooklyn gallery," she tells him. "I wouldn't ordinarily go but he's heavily influenced by Manet…"

They talk. It's simple, and easy, and the first time since the moment Marcia stormed out Dan finds himself thoroughly enjoying himself and not putting on the face of it. This is what it is with him and Blair, the reason he loves her and why they even became friends in the first place; he can't have a conversation like this with anyone else he knows. Dan feels enriched and enlivened, as though his whole body is being nourished by this connection.

Art keeps their attention for a good while, and then Dan begins talking about his new favorite music artists and Blair eagerly latches on to his suggestions. The conversation lasts so long that Dan starts to see the light fade inside the penthouse (Chuck's penthouse, he reminds himself.)

"Where's Maggie?" he asks suddenly.

Blair glances behind her. "Still sleeping," she says after glancing at something he can't see. "She had a long day. Why?"

"Nothing," says Dan. "It's not important."

"Tell me."

"I… I thought she might be with Chuck."

Blair freezes for a long second and then her face settles into one of indifference. "Chuck is in Russia," she informs him. "For a week, if not longer. The company is doing well in China so far, so he's attempting to negotiate a deal in St. Petersburg."

"That was business-like," Dan notes with a smile. "Practicing for the official statement?"

"As wife to CEO of an international company I always have to give those answers," she says, sounding thoroughly annoyed. "And I have to smile. All the time. And I can't go anywhere without an escort. I take Maggie for walks in the park with two bodyguards; it's awful!"

Dan wants to say something supportive but he can't think of a single thing. Instead, he asks in an attempt at levity, "Are you allowed out to see movies by yourself, at least?"

"No," Blair says, but he can see the beginnings of a smile on her face. "And no, I haven't seen _Rumors_ yet. Our usual babysitter has been sick and I can't take Maggie with me. Her ears are far too sensitive for a movie theater. But I'm hoping to this weekend when Mother's in town."

"I really want you to like it," he tells her. "Rachel plays a good you."

"No one can play me adequately."

Dan rolls his eyes and grins.

.

"I guess you two made up," Nate says when Dan emerges from the room in the falling darkness.

"Shut up."

.

Nate and Serena go home on Thursday, since they can't be away from work for too long – Nate claims he took far too much time off already, but Serena shakes her head and laughs. Before they leave in the town car, Dan pulls Serena aside.

"Can you promise me something?" he asks. "Okay, two somethings."

"Of course," she says. "Anything, Dan, you know that."

He nods. "Um, promise me you'll look in on Blair."

"I'd do that anyway," Serena points out.

"I know, but… she seems sad again. I'm worried about her." Dan takes a deep breath. "And the other thing… don't jerk Nate around."

She looks wounded and indignant, as only Serena can. "What?"

"Don't do that thing where you refuse to make up your mind about something until it's too late," he tells her. "You did that with him before and you almost lost him forever. I honestly don't think he can take it again, and Nate's not like me. He actually knows when to give up and walk away."

Serena looks to be on the verge of replying several times, but she only stands there for minutes on end before stepping out of the room.

.

Dan and CeCe take Eric and Jenny out dancing, something Eric had previously told Dan he would never in his life do again. And yet here they are, laughing with CeCe's rich old friends and generally enjoying a night out on the town. Even though his younger siblings are there, Dan finds himself spending the evening by CeCe's side.

It's strange, but after the initial high of seeing his family and Nate again after so long, he's been wanting to get back to how it is with him and his step-grandmother. Watching reality TV, dancing the night away, taking in shows, attending galas, seeing who could drink more shots before passing out (CeCe always wins)… it's ironically the life Dan always scorned when he was in high school. It's fun, though, and it's the most familial experience he's ever had though he'd never tell anyone that.

Well, maybe he'd tell Blair.

But the point is, Dan fully realizes that his new life in Los Angeles is actually a life now, and not an escape. Things from New York belong in New York, and he and CeCe are California people. Dan never thought he'd live anywhere but on the East Coast until he started thriving here.

.

Allison takes him out to lunch on Saturday.

"This is so incredible," she gushes over her _risotto_ _al_ _funghi_ _porcini_. "I only got this job because I was a studio director for those minor movies; I had literally no say in what I filmed. And now I have so much creative control, writers are sending _me_ scripts."

"That's great," Dan tells her, grinning. "You did a fantastic job with _Rumors_."

"I owe it all to your script," says Allison. "Dan, you have to promise me that if you write another screenplay, you'll let me direct it."

He laughs. "I thought that was a given."

"I don't think you even know how special this movie is," she says seriously. "It's a Cinderella story for Hollywood; young inexperienced writer, untested director, small name actors, and this movie fast-tracked to success. Have you heard how many roles Rachel's been offered?"

"Probably a lot."

"We pretty much made her career."

.

Despite the promise he made to himself, Dan sits down and begins to etch out an outline for the new novel he wants to write. It's a huge tonal shift from his still-untitled, unpolished novel – this story is a romantic comedy that takes place during one day. A wedding day, to be exact.

The best man and the maid of honor basically spend the entire novel running around, flirting with each other and trying to find the missing bride, and once that's accomplished, the two set out to make the rapidly disintegrating wedding be the most perfect experience of anyone's life. He won't deny that the maid of honor is heavily influenced by Blair and the best man has shades of Dan Humphrey in him, or that the wedding itself is based on the spectacular fail that was Rufus and Lily's pre-Sonic Youth ceremony.

It's a rip-off of most of the things Dan knows, but this story is fun to conceptualize and he won't apologize for enjoying his subject matter.

.

Blair's next conversation with him his through a phone call, and begins with a scolding.

"How could you?" she screeches, and Dan has to tug the phone away from his ear to avoid going deaf. At two feet away he can still hear every word perfectly. "How could you do that to me, _share_ my personal, _private_ life with a whole world of strangers?"

"It's less roman a clef than _Inside_," Dan points out. "I don't know what you're so upset about."

"My bulimia, Humphrey! You gave Clair my bulimia!"

Dan goes quiet. He's a little disgusted with himself, actually, for not realizing until this moment just how wrong it was to include that aspect of Blair.

"I've only told about ten people, in my entire life, about it, and most of them found out anyway! Two of them were doctors!" Blair sounds like she's been crying, and his heart breaks a little. "I told you that secret because I felt safe with you. I never thought you would do this to me. Now everyone knows!"

"I'm so sorry," he begins, but she cuts him off.

"You're sorry? You're _sorry_, Dan? I have to deal with peons like Penelope giving me horrid, judgmental looks during parties! Some random society woman came up to me yesterday and told me she knew a wonderful doctor who could help me with my problem, and I didn't even know what she was talking about until three hours ago when I finally got to see your movie. Do you have _any_ idea how that feels?"

"Blair –"

"Don't," snaps Blair. "Don't apologize, or justify, or try to explain away this… this _violation_ of our friendship. You say you love me, Dan, but people don't do this to the person they love!"

He holds in a sigh, knowing it would only infuriate her more. "I _am_ sorry," Dan tells her. "There's no excuse."

"Of course there's no excuse," she agrees haughtily. After a long moment of silence, she says abruptly, "Say it again."

"Say what… I'm sorry."

"No, you brainless Brooklynite, tell me you love me again."

"I love you. And I'm not a Brooklynite anymore," Dan points out.

"Once from Brooklyn, always from Brooklyn," she answers. "By the way, we're past the point where I hang up and give you the cold shoulder for weeks."

He frowns. "So why don't you? Not that I want you to," he adds quickly.

Blair groans. "Because I miss you."

"So… does that mean I'm forgiven?" Dan asks hopefully.

"Not even close," she says. "I'm still mad at you. In fact, I'm going to hang up now. You are required to call me every hour, on the hour, until I pick up, and this includes all hours of the night."

When he hears the dial tone, Dan rubs his eyes forcefully and readies himself for some serious groveling.

.

Meghan comes by to check in on the status of his book. "I hope you've got a title in the works," she says with a hint of warning in her voice.

"It's just not coming to me," Dan tells her, fighting to keep his eyes awake.

In what could be considered a horribly romantic move, Dan is taking short naps, setting his alarm for every hour and waking up to call Blair and leave a message. She's probably enjoying how much to-the-letter he's following her directions, but CeCe is getting fed up.

His agent purses her lips. "Dan, I can't send this to Simon & Schuster without a title," she tells him. "Granted, they might want to change it, but the title is half the pitch."

"Give me three days," he begs. By then Blair will be speaking to him and he can send her the rough draft for her opinion. At least, he hopes so.

She sighs. "Fine. Oh, and Marcia wants me to grab her things."

"The customary break-up routine," Dan concedes, getting up from the counter of the kitchen to take Meghan upstairs. "I guess it was only a matter of time."

"Dan, you're not broken up," Meghan says. "Marcia and I talked about this. You're in a fight, that's all. What you need to do is call her and tell her how sorry you are. Even if you aren't, because honestly I think she's been really good for you and I'm not saying that because she's my sister."

He pauses on the landing. "All I have to do is call her," he repeats faintly.

"Yeah, just pick up the phone and fill her voicemail," she says, and steps past him into the room. "Wow, you're way too neat for a twenty something guy."

.

CeCe holds court at the end of the dining table, a glass of gin in one hand (with the bottle not far away) and a book in another. Dan flops down in the seat to her right.

"I have a problem," he admits.

"And don't I know it."

He ignores that. "Marcia and I aren't broken up, which I didn't know until an hour ago, and Blair wants us to have an emotional affair behind Chuck's back."

CeCe puts down her book and looks him straight in the eye. "So, what you're asking me is, which one sounds like a better option, is that right?" Dan nods. "Well, if it's sex you want –"

"That's not what I – well, I mean, I want sex, but that's not the point," he says. "I'm in love with both Marcia and Blair, but no matter whom I choose I'm going to have to give up the other one, and there will be problems in either relationship. So… I just don't know what to do."

In a rare moment of human compassion, CeCe puts her hand over his. "Daniel, I once told you that the keys for someone else's happiness are not necessarily the ones for your own. I can't tell you who will make you the happiest, or who will love you the most. Only you can speak to that. What I can offer you is this piece of advice: never look over your shoulder at what you left behind if there's something bright ahead."

.

He sits in his room, weighing the options.

Marcia is here, she's tangible. She makes him laugh, she keeps him happy and is completely baggage free. They have nearly a year's worth of relationship under their belt and the rhythm of a content couple. His family likes her, he can see himself settling down with her someday…

But Blair is… Dan doesn't feel quite right unless he has Blair in his life. She understands him on level no one else can touch. They laugh together, console each other in their misery, talk together or just sit in silence in perfect peace. She has so much damage and can hurt him more than anyone in the world – she has a baby! And a husband! – but it hurts when they're apart.

An emotional affair, though, that's wrong. Marcia wouldn't ask that of him. Marcia considers him when it comes to their relationship, they don't have to deal with immense obstacles… except for Blair and her role as Dan's muse. He can't avoid just how much an issue that is. What if Marcia asks him to stop writing about Blair? Dan could no more do that than stop breathing, he tried not to and the weight of holding it in was too much to bear.

If he's being completely honest, Dan knows that the debate was won before it began. He picks up his phone and dials Marcia's number, thankful he gets her voicemail.

"Marcia, it's Dan," he says. "I'm sorry I haven't called before, but I thought we were over. I guess… the fact that I didn't fight for you says a lot more than I could, but here's the thing; I love you. I really, truly love you. But Blair is a part of my life no matter what role she plays. She inspires me in ways I can't even describe. I wish I could be sorry for that because you do deserve better. And I know it's a completely douche-y move to do this in a voicemail, and for that I _am_ sorry, but I moved to L.A. to get away from my feelings for Blair and I need to stop running. I want you to have the best life possible and that's one without me in it."

He considers saying something else, but that feels… complete. Dan ends the call and glances at the clock. 1:00 in the morning. He pulls up Blair's cell.

"It's me again," he tells her. "This is my thirty-second voicemail, begging you to forgive me for using your private life as my inspiration. I was completely wrong to do what I did…"

.

TBC…

.

A/N: Once again, life takes hold and this part takes longer than anticipated. I literally rewrote that first convo between Dan and Blair six times, it was so gross and sappy. Also, this chapter was a slight tonal shift since the first three were so fuzzy on time, and these last two have been very precise about what takes place when. Back to standard procedure for the next part. In other news, _HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS SARABROWNCOLORADO _(writer of the flawless story "The Date") _LIKES THIS FIC!_ Pretty much everything is perfect right now. I am floating on a cloud of eternal bliss. Next part to be up next Thursday/Friday. For realz, I swear it ^_^


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm not going back to New York**

.

"You're forgiven," Blair tells him, after picking up his forty-fifth call. "For now."

"Good," sighs Dan in relief. "Now I can sleep."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," she says. "There are some matters we need to discuss, starting with –"

"Blair," he says firmly, "This can wait until tomorrow."

She lets out an angry growl similar to a wounded cat's. "No, I'm tired of waiting! All I do is wait around; wait for Maggie to go to sleep, wait for Chuck, wait for Serena, wait for _you_ – I can't anymore!"

"Stop acting like a spoiled child," snaps Dan, and immediately regrets it. "You can't… you can't just ask me to be your… cabana boy and expect me to be okay with it."

Blair is silent for a long time.

"I'm sorry," she finally says. "That's not what I…"

"I'm tired, Blair," he continues. "I spent two, sleepless days – as your friend – making amends for something I did wrong to you, and I deserved that and more, but you can't expect anything more from me."

"Dan…"

"I'll talk to you tomorrow," Dan tells her, and hangs up. His last thought before collapsing on his bed is how very well that conversation went.

.

Jenny, Rufus, and Lily leave the next day. Dan sees them off, hugging Jenny about fifty times until she finally pushes him clear across the room. He can't help it, though; this visit is the first time in years Dan's been able to be with his little sister without worrying for her. He would suggest she stay in California with him and CeCe, but he knows it's London that has done this for her.

Rufus and Lily can't seem to stop hugging him or Eric, either. One would think those two had adjusted to their empty nest by now, and yet the constant ache their parents feel at letting their children go is enduring.

It's something Dan doesn't exactly understand, and something CeCe finds hilarious, but that's what it is all the same.

As soon as the group of three leave the house, Eric grabs his things and starts putting them into the room next to Dan's.

.

"So…" Blair says awkwardly, her nose scrunching cutely on the computer screen.

"So, that whole emotional affair thing? That's not going to happen," Dan tells her. Before she can reply, he adds, "It's insane. And stupid. You can't just say 'emotional affair' and expect it to happen, and I'm done bending over backwards, making myself miserable for you. I love you, but no thanks."

Her whole face drops. "I knew you were going to say that," she says morosely. "Ever since yesterday."

Dan smiles at her reassuringly. "I know I said that being friends would be… difficult, at best, but it's never been easy for us, so we'll just see how it goes, alright?"

"I knew you were going to say that, too," Blair says, "So I drew up a contract –"

"Are you _serious?_"

"– that details the terms of our renewed friendship and –"

"You're serious," Dan says, amused and slightly horrified as Blair extracts several pages from beside her and holds them up to the camera, still talking.

"– wherein neither you nor I can refrain from speaking to the other more than five days out of anger –"

"Blair!" he finally cuts her off. She looks startled at the interruption.

"Humphrey, this is important," Blair complains.

Dan shakes his head in exasperation but laughs, something only Blair can make him do. "First of all, have you considered law school? But, uh, …okay, I get the point of your contract, but you do know that friendships don't work like that, right?"

"Yes, thank you, you patronizing ass," she says snidely. "I'd just rather not have you ignoring me for months on end again, if it's all the same to you."

"Oh, I've missed this," he grumbles, and he's only being partly facetious.

He's fairly certain that Blair's about to launch into a flurry of scathing diatribe when she looks to her right. Her entire face softens – no, her entire _body_ softens, and she leans down to the floor (Dan can't see her for almost a minute). When she faces upright again, there's a baby in her arms.

Dan can't help it; he melts.

"Is that Maggie?" he asks, fully aware that there wouldn't be any other baby crawling around the Empire.

Mercifully, Blair ignores his lapse of intellect. "Maggie, this is your Uncle Dan," she coos, holding her daughter's small hands. "See Uncle Dan?"

Maggie is beautiful. On her head are wispy brown curls coming down to the nape of her neck, and her large chocolate eyes are wide and questioning. Her fat hand curls around Blair's tapered fingers, and like any baby on the Upper East Side, her clothes are impeccable. Dan feels a lump in his throat at the sight of her and Blair, and the smile on Blair's face.

Blair laughs as Maggie lets out an unintelligible gurgle. "He looks funny, doesn't he? Funny Uncle Dan."

He avoids snorting. "Hi, Maggie," Dan says, waving to the baby.

Her face becomes transfixed on his moving hand through the screen; she reaches forwards as if to touch him and seems confused when nothing connects.

"She's almost one," Blair says reverently. "It's gone by so quickly." Suddenly, she looks sad.

"Are you okay?" he asks worriedly. "Is it… are you having a relapse? With your…"

"With my depression?" she shakes her head. "No, I'm still taking my meds, and Dr. Truman and I still meet every other week. It's just…"

"What?" prompts Dan when she falls silent.

Blair shakes her head. "Nothing. I just wish you were here, that's all."

.

Dan begins writing his new novel, the romantic comedy one. This one is different; he's collaborating. Usually Dan shuts himself away in a room and gets deeply personal. But now he's sitting in the middle of the entertainment room where CeCe, Eric, Ernest, and occasionally some of CeCe's bridge game friends spend their evenings.

Most of the dialogue for his female protagonist Moira comes from, oddly, Eric, although CeCe's scathing remarks are slid in when they're on the mild side. He's saving her best lines for the semi-drunk mother of the bride – mostly since the character is completely modeled after her.

Kevin, the male protagonist, is a little trickier. Dan purposely avoids dialogue he himself would use, but he'd rather not take Ernest's usually borderline sexist suggestions, and CeCe's friend Marvin is actually very unfunny when he's not stoned.

It's a fun production, though. Writing like this feels organic and playful which is exactly what he needs after penning such a dark story.

There's one memorable night where CeCe convinced Eric to try a mix of whiskey and gin and the both of them got completely smashed, and Dan just sat in the corner shouting out prompts and recording their increasingly ridiculous replies. CeCe's classism slurs paled in comparison to Eric's gay jokes – Dan hadn't realized just how filthy-minded his little brother could be when drunk off his ass. Dan laughed so hard that night that tears rolled down his face and his stomach hurt for hours after.

He suspects a lot of the verve and humor will fade once Eric returns to Sarah Lawrence in a month.

.

There's no doubt about it – Dan is an independently wealthy man. Meghan tells him his initial return from _Rumors_ will be nearly a million, factoring in the rate of decay and distribution among the cast and crew. Combine that with the royalties he still receives from _Inside_, and Dan can safely consider himself a millionaire.

CeCe finds no end of amusement in this. "You're such new money," she tells him wickedly. "Your father married into money. You're noveau rich."

"You're just mad you can't call me poor anymore," Dan fires back.

"Darling, compared to me you're a street urchin."

.

"Did you read it?" Dan asks nervously over the phone.

"Yes, Humphrey," sighs Blair. "I managed to find the time, which you should consider no less than a miracle since Maggie has a cold and can't sleep. I've been awake for thirty-six hours now."

"Thank you," he says, hearing the exhaustion in her voice and instantly feeling contrite. "Why didn't you just have your maids help you out? You have a nanny for her, right?"

"No, actually," she answers irritably. "I decided when I had Maggie that I didn't want her growing up with maids and au pairs for parents like Chuck and I did. I want her to have two parents who love her, not paid employees. I love Dorota but that's not what I want for my daughter."

It's a surprisingly middle-class side of Blair that Dan's never been introduced to before, and he finds he likes it. Except…

"So, you and Chuck, playing house?" he tries to laugh off the sudden pain in his stomach. "For some reason I can't imagine Chuck changing diapers. He can barely pick up Monkey's crap during a walk."

"I can't imagine it either," says Blair, "Considering he has yet to change one."

Dan is stunned silent. "He… what?" is what finally comes out of his mouth.

"Chuck isn't home very often."

The anger in him at this revelation is startling. Much as he hates to think about Chuck and Blair together, he hates the thought of Chuck abandoning her and Maggie even more. "Wait, so where is he when all this is happening? Maggie's cold, and your depression, and –"

"Bejing, Paris, St. Petersburg, Tokyo, Buenos Aires…" she lists off, with disinterest lacing her words. "He spends more time abroad than here, really. And when he is here, it's mostly board meetings and site visitations."

"Blair, that's not okay," Dan says. He wishes he could say more, but the very thought of an absent parent kills him inside. When his mother left to pursue her art, it was probably the worst abandonment Dan had faced in that year. He lost Serena (though he didn't know her then), he lost Vanessa, and his mother essentially said she was more important than her children and husband.

The idea that Chuck could do something like that, especially since Dan knows how much Bart messed with his son's sense of self, is sickening. And to leave Blair, whom he fought so hard to win for so long… just how ungrateful is Chuck, anyway?

"I know it's not, Dan," Blair sighs. "The reason he doesn't come home very often is because whenever he has a spare moment I try to get him to marriage counseling. We went twice, he decided it wasn't worth the effort and took off to London for a hotelier's conference."

"Why is this the first I'm hearing of it?" he demands.

"Because I don't want to think about how awful my marriage is when I'm with you."

Dan tries not to let himself feel too happy at that. "So, what? He doesn't think you're worth the effort? You two are always going on about how your …love is forever, and destiny and stuff like that. I just don't get it."

"The thing about eternal love," Blair remarks ruefully, "Is that you don't need to work for it because it's always there. Why fix something that never changes?"

"You don't think that," he says.

"No, I don't," she agrees.

They sit in silence for a long time, together despite the vast distance. Dan never tires of talking with Blair and the way it satisfies him, but this is wonderful too. He can hear her soft breathing, the sounds of her when she isn't putting up a front. She's at her gentlest this way. After a while, Dan hears faint crying through the receiver.

"Maggie?" he breathes, loath to disturb the moment.

"Yeah; I have to get her medicine."

Dan feels his chest tighten. "How sick is she?" he asks, surprised at how much he cares for this small child he's never met face-to-face.

Maybe it's because he relates to her familial situation now, and it occurs to Dan that Blair is, for all intents and purposes, a single parent in the way his father was after Allison Humphrey went to Hudson. It's been years since Dan hated Chuck, not since what happened with Jenny has this hatred run through him like a fever.

He won't say anything to Blair about it, though. She doesn't need to deal with his feelings toward Chuck right now.

"It was really bad last night," she tells him. "I was about to take her to the hospital, but I called my mom and she told me Maggie should be fine. And I think she's getting better; this time she slept for nearly two hours which is an improvement."

"I remember the first time Milo got sick; it was terrifying," Dan says, recalling the panic he felt when his two-month-old son (or so he'd presumed then) ran a fever of over a hundred.

"She's my whole world; I don't know what I'd do if I lost her," admits Blair. He hears her shift the phone away but still catches the "Hey, beautiful," she says to Maggie.

"I know what you mean."

A few minutes pass before Blair returns to the phone. "She's going back to sleep," she whispers.

"Good," Dan breathes. He thinks for a while about returning the conversation to Chuck, but finds he doesn't want to think about Blair's ailing marriage either. "What did you think of the book?" he asks instead.

"It was… beautiful," she says, and Dan knows she was about to claim she hated it just to play with him. "You wrote it for me, didn't you?"

"Yeah… yeah, I guess I did."

"Was Henry you or Chuck? I couldn't tell."

Dan grins. "I couldn't tell, either. I'm not sure he's anyone I know."

"Jessica is me, isn't she," Blair says, and it's clearly not a question. "I liked her."

"I knew you would."

"What are you going to call it?"

"No idea," Dan admits. "I was hoping you'd tell me."

Blair hesitates, and he hears her even breath falter for a moment. "There's a line from _Love's Labors Lost_; one of Armando's soliloquys." She clears her throat. "'Love is a familiar; love is a devil: there is no evil angel but love.' I kept thinking of it during the darkest parts of Henry and Jessica's relationship."

He turns over the quote in his mind. "_There Is No Evil Angel_," Dan ponders aloud. "It's ambiguous. I think… I think I like it."

.

Dan pitches the title to Meghan, and, after explaining the quote behind it, she's more than ecstatic.

They send out the first draft to Alessandra, who promised to get the novel to her favorite editor at Simon & Schuster. Dan feels oddly relaxed at the thought of submitting his new book, even though the intense scrutiny it will receive should be sending him into spasms of terror.

But, since his harshest critic has already read and enjoyed it, Dan isn't really worried.

The Hollywood movie was nice but he's finally getting back to his roots, and it's a relief.

.

Marcia comes over to pick up the rest of her things, the clothes in drawers and earrings that Meghan didn't get. Dan lets her into his room under the full weight of his guilt.

"I thought you were better than a voicemail breakup," she says icily, throwing everything inside a small duffel bag with unnecessary force.

"I thought I was, too," Dan admits. "I just… I thought we were already over."

"And you immediately went back to worshipping Blair," Marcia snaps.

Dan sighs. "I don't… it's not like that."

"Oh no? The woman is married. She'll never even give you the time of day unless she needs something from you." Marcia shakes her head at him, something like pity in her eyes. "You're addicted to someone who will never feel the same way as you do, Dan. I might not like you very much right now, but I don't want that for you."

"She loves me," he says quietly. "That's why I… we… she told me and I…"

"Did she ask you for something at the time?" Marcia probes, not unkindly, and walks out of his life.

He can't help but to wonder that same thing, try as he might to forget it.

.

Dan decides to go completely California and signs himself and Eric up for surfing lessons. He takes to it better than he'd thought, oddly enjoying the feel of the cold Pacific in the morning. Dan isn't particularly good at it yet, but their instructor Joshua (a walking surfer stereotype with blonde hair, bronze skin, and waxed chest) says he's getting the hang of it.

On the other hand, Eric's first time out had the slim boy clinging to his board, arms and legs wrapped tightly around the plastic, his face completely white. He'd lasted only an hour in the shallow waters before swimming for the beach faster than Dan or Josh could blink, and when Dan drove them back to CeCe's Eric had threatened bodily harm should Dan ever insist he surf again.

Now that surfing is in his repertoire, Dan's pretty sure all he needs to do is start wearing hemp jewelry and blast reggae from any and all speakers at his disposal, and he'll be a true blue Californian.

(He's not going gluten free, though.)

.

In probably the most awkward conversation of his life, Dan calls Meghan and Marcia's brother, James Muirs.

He remembers James from Thanksgiving last year, how the man made everyone at the table collapse into fits of undignified giggles. It's the sort of humor Dan wants for the Kevin character, the wry wit and charm and playful openness.

The only problem is, he recently dumped James' sister.

"I know I'm the last person you'd be willing to help out…" Dan says hesitantly after proposing his idea.

"Let me get this straight; you want to pay me to hang out with you and make you laugh?" interrupts James.

"Basically," he concedes.

"Well… can I punch you first?" James asks. "I feel like I should punch you. Marcia will probably punch _me_ after, but I mean, brotherly duty. You know how it is."

Dan tries not to snort; this is very serious, after all. "I do," he agrees. "I've punched a guy in the name of brotherly duty a few times myself. Just, uh, not the nose."

"You have yourself a deal, Dan Humphrey."

.

"How could you?" Dan gasps, feigning outrage. "She's only one!"

"No daughter of mine will wear anything less," Blair returns with a hint of a smile. To Maggie, she says, "You look beautiful, don't you baby?"

Maggie giggles, the tiara wobbling dangerously on her head.

"You know, every time we do this she's bigger," he says. "She's growing so fast."

"She's already trying to walk," says Blair proudly. "Our doctor says she's a fast learner; she started crawling around at seven months old. I think she's about to start talking. Call me sentimental, but I can't wait for the moment when she calls me mommy."

Dan grins at the one-year-old. "If she's anything like her mommy, I think she'll be calling you 'mother' instead."

"Oh, haha," she returns good-naturedly. "I'll bet you good money on it; I understand you have that now."

"Not the way CeCe tells it."

Blair laughs, and then her smile fades as she checks her watch.

He feels a hard pang in his chest. "Chuck?" he asks.

"He should have been here two hours ago," she sighs. "I'm glad negotiations are going well for him in St. Petersburg, but I need him to be _here_."

"Well, you've got me as back-up," says Dan, and he can't quite reel in the bitterness he feels at being Blair's second choice. Marcia's words come back to him, haunting him, dancing around him like taunts and torments. He tries to push them away.

Blair frowns at his tone. "Dan, it's Maggie's birthday," she says sternly. "I want her to have both parents in her photo album on this day."

"I know," he grumbles.

"And _I_ need Chuck here," she continues, "Because my father is only in town for three days and he's acting as my lawyer. If Chuck isn't back by the time my father leaves I'll be forced to find another attorney. Do you know how hard it is to find a good lawyer in this city?"

"Judging from the many _Law & Order_ type shows set in New York, not very," Dan replies automatically, and then pauses. "Wait, why do you need a lawyer?"

Blair looks at him like he's an idiot. "Absent spouse, failed marriage counseling… surely you didn't think I'd subject Maggie to this for the rest of her life."

"You're filing for divorce?" it's not that Dan never thought she'd leave Chuck, it's just that… he never let himself believe it.

"Remember, I told you; I want to be the one to save me," she says, and Dan wants to reach through the screen and touch her face, run his fingers through her hair… he wants to hug her and jump around laughing. What he wants to celebrate is not the thought of them together, that's still unlikely, but this feels like the Blair he fell in love with.

"Blair, that's… that's…" he can't find the words.

She looks less thrilled than he, but smiles nonetheless. "It's time," she agrees. "I want to wait until tomorrow; I won't ruin today."

"But you're going to?"

"I'm going to," Blair confirms, her arms squeezing Maggie closer to her chest.

.

Ernest Hetford dies unexpectedly in his sleep at the age of seventy-nine as the summer comes to a close.

The death comes as a shock to Dan, who, despite observing the moments of frailty from the man, had never considered that he might actually die. He'd begun to regard Ernest in the same light as he did CeCe, as an immortal vestige of an older era. The autopsy concludes he passed away from cellular deterioration – old age.

Dan finds himself drifting towards CeCe at every possible moment as if to reassure himself that she won't leave him.

She certainly doesn't need moral support; it appears that CeCe has reached the age where death neither terrifies nor saddens her.

"I suspect I wore him out," she jokes over what should have been a subdued dinner. "Men that age aren't accustomed to using their equipment so often." Eric makes a face at this, but Dan's already heard enough about her sex life to desensitize him. There's very little she can say to shock him by this point.

"Maybe you should go for a middle-aged man next," he says.

"An excellent suggestion, Daniel," CeCe agrees. "Now, shall we raise our glasses to a wonderful man who lived a good life?"

.

The rough draft of _There Is No Evil Angel_ returns, proofread and scribbled over.

Dan takes it into his room and pours over every red-marked word and circled sentence. He's never done this before; _Inside_ was barely touched since it was initially an anonymous contribution, and the process of editing a script is much more in-the-moment. It feels like a blow to his pride, except Dan knows (forces himself to acknowledge) that the critique makes him a better writer.

After he's gone through everything with a fine-toothed comb, Dan leans back and considers what advice he'll take and what he'll disagree with. He'll have to set up a conference call with Meghan and his editor, whom he's had yet to meet but Alessandra sings praises about.

He wants to make this story as authentic as possible, and that means his humility must come out of hibernation.

.

The first night Dan spends with James is much more fun than he'd expected.

James greets him with a polite, even friendly handshake, warns him the punch is coming, and afterwards hands Dan the icepack in his car brought specifically for this moment. James then takes him out bowling with a few of his friends, all of whom share that same dry repartee.

When James finds out that Dan has not once been bowling, all of them make it their mission to teach him.

Of course, it's a little hard to throw the ball down the alley when you're clutching your stomach, laughing. Matt and Kyle, the two more rambunctious young men, begin pantomiming Dan's predicament, shouting out catcalls and well-meant insults. Eventually Wesley (Wes, as he insists Dan call him, never Wesley unless you want a shiner to match the purple on your chin) takes pity on him and drafts Dan into his and James' team.

Afterwards they go to Kyle's favorite bar. It's the kind of bar Dan used to go into before he could drink legally, not the posh places he's steadily grown accustomed to.

Dan tries to write down everything that he finds hilarious at first, but he's laughing too hard, and having too much fun, and there are so many funny things flying around that eventually he sets his iPhone to record the conversations and just lets himself enjoy the moment.

.

The funeral for Ernest is somber despite the brilliantly sunny day. CeCe hosts the reception in her mansion, graceful and somber, and surprisingly even sober.

Marcia attends, to Dan's muted surprise. "I liked him," she says when he approaches her about it. "He was kind to me."

"He was," Dan agrees awkwardly. Being around Marcia is no longer easy or comfortable.

.

Eric leaves, and he does so regretfully. The appeal of California captured another Rhodes over these last two summers, as it turns out. Dan suggests that Eric transfer to UCLA for the spring semester, not that he expects his brother will actually move to this side of the country.

The house is quieter without Ernest or Eric, at times melancholy in its silence, and at other times peaceful.

It seems as if everyone who had filtered into CeCe and Dan's lives here in Montecito have slipped away, leaving just them and a house full of empty rooms.

.

Dan's in the kitchen, drinking coffee and reading the _LA Times_ lazily. It's Saturday, and therefore the movie reviews for the week have already come out, and the book reviews don't arrive until Sunday's paper. The most he finds are sports statistics and he's never been terribly invested in any one team.

There's a knock at the front door, urgent and impatient, if a knock can be such things.

He ignores it at first, expecting one of the maids to get it (Dan is completely used to maids, something he can't quite get used to), but it occurs to him belatedly that the maids have the weekends off. CeCe is upstairs sleeping off the copious amounts of wine she took in from her trip to Napa the day before. It's just him.

Dan sighs when the knock repeats, stretching and wishing he wasn't in a plain t-shirt and pajama pants. Hardly presentable, but he goes to the door anyway.

When he opens it, his jaw drops.

"Well, don't just stand there, grab a suitcase," demands Blair.

.

TBC

.

This chapter was brought to you by: "The Streets" by Avalanche City and "Ständchen" by Franz Schubert. I recommend looking up both songs because they are awesome. Not sure when the next chapter will happen since the next couple of weeks are going to be pretty busy for me – I got a job promotion, y'all! – but I promise I won't take too long ^_^


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm not going back to New York**

.

Within two days the entire mansion is baby-proofed. Dan watches in awe as Blair expertly sets up a play area she purchased in the middle of the entertainment room, although CeCe does not approve.

"I can't watch my _Real Housewives_ in a room with a baby," she says with annoyance.

But Blair using her hands, not delegating or demanding he help her in any way, that's pure magic. Dan knows she can do absolutely anything she sets her mind to, and here's the proof. She's always doing something these first few days; changing diapers, washing Maggie down, putting soft cushions on corners and safety plugs in outlets, feeding or burping her daughter…

It's impressive. Sometimes when he watches her, Dan wonders if he would've been this accomplished at taking care of Milo after a year.

A part of him still misses the small child that was once his, no matter what Georgina says about it. Milo is three now, probably starting preschool in the fall. He probably doesn't remember Dan at all, doesn't know him as the one who held him when he couldn't sleep, who fed him, bathed him, watched after him constantly…

He doesn't want to dwell on it. He'd rather just watch Blair be a mother, one of the most amazing things Dan's ever seen.

.

"Chuck isn't allowing for an amicable divorce," she told him after putting her things in Jenny's guest room that first day (Dan said nothing about its former inhabitant). Maggie slept in a stroller, still out from the drive from LAX to Montecito. "He's fighting very hard under 'no precedent' and making things… difficult."

"But there is precedent," Dan said, surprised that Chuck could even take that option.

Blair nodded grimly. "I have records of his extended trips from New York, as well as the family therapist's recommendation that we should continue our sessions as per my wishes from six months ago. His lawyers are good, but it won't hold up against common sense. So, they're trying for negligent parenting."

"Well, he is negligent," he agreed, but she looked steely-eyed.

"I meant, he's claiming that I'm a negligent parent based on my depression."

Dan felt as if a bowling ball had just been thrown into his stomach. He was winded, sick at the thought, angered beyond belief.

"I'm going to kill him," he announced. "There's no way… he can't love you if he's willing to hurt you like this. What does he hope to gain from it anyway? Is he trying to get custody of Maggie or…"

Blair's face was as cold as he's ever seen it. "He's not taking my child. I won't let him raise Maggie the way Bart raised him; I'll kill him first." He took her hand in his, running his thumb back and forth along her palm. There was sweat there and a small trembling undetectable by sight.

"Why are you here?" Dan asked at last, the question on his mind since he opened the door. "If the divorce is as messy as you say, shouldn't you be there to represent yourself?"

"My representation is fine, Humphrey," she told him with a ghost of a smile. "I just couldn't stay at the Empire for another second with him there, drinking and shouting and scaring Maggie… I want her to feel safe."

"And your mother's penthouse wasn't available?" he wondered skeptically.

"The safest place I know is with you," said Blair, and her hand closed around his thumb like a lifeline.

.

CeCe vehemently decries the presence of a baby in her house. Feces, bawling at all hours, constant attention on someone other than herself – she never stops talking about how horrific the entire thing is.

But Dan knows better.

He catches her once, while Blair is taking a well-needed nap, hovering over Maggie's crib and playing peek-a-boo with such uninhibited delight that Dan doesn't have the heart to even tease her about it. It hasn't escaped his notice how little CeCe's smiled since Ernest died.

Unlike Dan, Blair doesn't quite know how CeCe works. She is appalled at the thought of anyone hating Maggie and looks ready to pull a knife on CeCe whenever the subject comes up. Dan sincerely hopes he doesn't have to keep Blair from murdering his grandmother before she realizes that CeCe's cruelty is just her sense of humor.

.

Serena calls not long after Blair's arrival, sounding frantic, asking is she alright, how's Maggie, what's going on?

"I can't believe this is happening," she says at one point. "I never thought Chuck and Blair would separate. And the way he's acting – it's awful! It's like he's a complete different person, Dan. "

Privately, he thinks this is how Chuck has spent most of his life.

Aloud he says, "We know better than anyone that great love stories don't always last."

.

Dan's plugging some dialogue he got from James and the guys into his novel. He's in the entertainment room on the couch, his headphones on and laughing silently at some of the funnier quotes he's managed to capture (the sound in the bowling alley obscured much of their conversation), laptop balanced on his knees.

It isn't until he feels a soft pressure on his shoulder that he realizes Blair has sat down beside him, resting her head on his shoulder wearily.

He pulls off the headphones and pauses the recording. "Hey."

"Hi," she sighs, and scoots her entire body to lean against his. "Did I interrupt something?"

"No, just getting some writing done," Dan reassures her. He wants to kiss the top of her head but holds back, sensing now is not the time. "What's up?"

She buries her face in his chest. When she comes back up, there are tearstains on his shirt.

"I'm just so tired," Blair murmurs. "These last few weeks all I've done is fight. And I just got a phone call; Chuck's team is going to take the custody case to trial. If I don't show up he'll immediately be awarded sole custody but I only just got here and I don't want to take Maggie back on the plane. She hated the entire flight."

Dan puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her closer. "When's the trial?"

"In three weeks, if nothing my father or Mr. Kindler do manages to stop them," she says, looking deeply upset.

"I'm sorry, Blair," he tells her, and means it more than anything. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Just… hold me, okay? Just like this."

They sit together. Dan's computer turns dark and stops humming, powering down to save energy. He closes it and puts it to aside. Without the soft whirring to provide constant sound, all he can hear is their breathing. Their chests rise and fall in perfect synchronicity. He tries to pretend that his heart isn't beating faster from the contact.

"Do you want to leave Maggie here? If you have to go back to New York, I mean," suggests Dan after a while.

"If I don't bring her it will look bad to the judge," Blair tells him. "I can't take that risk."

"Maybe Lily could loan you the company jet," he says before remembering –

"Chuck would never allow it."

Dan sighs, frustrated. "This isn't fair."

"I know," says Blair.

"I just – I don't get it. He's let you go before, why can't he now?"

Blair turns her face up to his. "Because we have a contract between us, and a daughter," she says. "It's not as easy as it used to be, when we could walk in and out of our relationship whenever we needed to. That was always just about us. Now it affects other people, no matter how we feel about it."

"So even though he knows you don't love him anymore –" Dan begins.

"I never said I don't love Chuck," she interrupts, pulling back from him.

He's confused and hurt. "Then what are you doing here?"

"I didn't mean…" Blair makes a sound in between a groan and a sigh, she rubs her face, she looks hesitant. "Dan, I didn't mean it like that. I love _you_, I want to be here with _you_. Even if you just want to be friends right now, it doesn't matter. But, for better or for worse –"

"For richer or for poorer?" finishes Dan bitterly.

"For better or worse, he's a huge part of my life and I can't just stop caring about him," she continues smoothly, as if she didn't flinch at his words. "I'm not in love with him anymore, I don't think I have been for a long time, but he's always going to be in my heart. The way Serena is always going to be in yours."

Dan hates himself for a second. "Sorry," he offers quietly, and holds out his arm.

Blair tucks herself back into his side and places her hand on his chest gently. "Sometimes, when we're talking, I don't think we understand each other," she says. "I don't want to talk right now, okay?"

"Okay," he agrees. He'd rather just sit and soak in her presence.

.

James gets Dan, Wes, and he tickets for a Dodgers game against the Oakland A's, something James tells him is very important. At first he's hesitant to leave Blair and Maggie, but Blair reminds him that she took care of her daughter by herself for weeks on end, an afternoon is nothing to sneeze at.

Dan confesses he's never been to a baseball game before as they're settling into their seats, something both men take as a serious offense.

"You're from New York!" exclaims Wes. "Home of the Yankees, only the greatest team to ever exist on this earth!"

"I'm from a Red Sox family," he says.

Wes looks like someone just shot his favorite pet. "I can't talk to you right now."

The game is fun; Dan finds himself getting into the cheering and excitement of the crowd, something he always found distasteful when watching games on the TV with his dad. It helps that James is there, talking animatedly about the best players and the averages, and pointing out his favorites.

When it's over there's still light out and the Dodgers have won, although only by one point. Wes is over his aggravation enough to invite Dan to the bar for celebratory drinks, something he happily accepts because weirdly, it feels like these two are his friends even though he's paying James for this.

Since his only real male friend is in New York, Dan probably needs guys like these in his life.

.

When Dan picks up his innocently-ringing phone, the last person he expects to see on the caller ID is Chuck Bass. But there's his name, looking up at him without reprieve.

He almost lets it go to voicemail, and then decides, well, he'd rather get in one good dig.

"Chuck," he says guardedly.

"Humphrey, would you mind telling me why my wife is living with you?" there's an edge of danger in Chuck's voice, like he's seconds away from ordering a kill shot.

"She's staying away from you," says Dan. "And I don't blame her."

"You're the one who told us to be together," Chuck points out softly. "You told me to propose, you encouraged her to say yes."

Dan sighs. "I thought it would make her happy. Obviously I was wrong." He wants to yell at Chuck, curse him out, threaten to hurt him – nothing he thinks of saying stands out.

"Of course you weren't wrong; we're meant to be together, anyone can see that," insists Chuck. "I love her more than anything in this world, Humphrey. You know that. What I can't understand is why she's trying to fight it, and why you're letting her keep us apart."

For a brief moment, Dan almost fits inside Chuck's head, and he feels terribly sorry for the man. To exist in a world like that, with little to no empathy, in a world of delusions and grand proclamations instead of genuine compassion for another being, a world no one wants to stay with him in… well, that's the worst thing Dan can imagine.

But as ever, his loyalties lie with Blair. "Chuck, she's not fighting anything except you," he says. "She doesn't want to be with you anymore, and you're trying to take away her daughter."

"She's my daughter, too."

"Yeah? Could've fooled me." Dan hangs up and looks around for the hit man in the trees.

.

The week is a series of stormy days, lightning and thunder out at sea. It's so bad that Josh has cancelled all his surfing lessons until the weather clears up.

Without his near daily excursion to the beach, or Blair's twice daily walk with Maggie in the stroller, all three of them are cooped up in the house and Dan begins to realize that Blair is not someone he wants to be with in a nuclear shelter should Armageddon occur.

To her credit, half of her bad mood comes from the continuing divorce proceedings. Blair spends hours on the phone alternately yelling, spitting out legal jargon he can barely wrap his head around, crying to her father, or listing off Maggie's personal information. And if she's not doing that, she's looking after the daughter in question.

Dan's discovered that Maggie is an exceptionally active baby. Just over one year old and already she's standing up. Her crawl is faster than a speeding bullet as it is.

But he also discovers he likes it.

He spends hours on these rainy days, chasing Maggie from room to room, playing with her, tickling her and listening to her peals of laughter, and, when she's finally settling down, reading to her until her small eyelids fall shut and her belly rises and falls in a sleeping rhythm.

One time as Dan holds Maggie in his lap and reads to her, he falls asleep himself, woken a few hours later by a soft kiss on his forehead.

Blair looks down at him and Maggie with warm, tender eyes – and then her gaze falls to his left. Dan looks over and grimaces.

"CeCe," he mutters as Blair removes the bowl of warm water.

.

One night, while Dan finds himself staying awake to the beating of the raindrops on his window, his door opens and Blair slips through. He closes his eyes and pretends to be asleep, confused and nervous and waiting to see what she'll do.

The covers lift from the bed for a scant moment before the weight of another body joins his on the mattress. He can feel Blair scooting against him, pressing her whole backside against his frame (Blair Waldorf is spooning him, he's honestly never imagined that happening) and she breathes out gently.

After two minutes her body falls into a natural sleeping rhythm but Dan is awake for a long, long time.

.

"Simon & Schuster are waiting on the revised draft," Meghan tells him. She's seated comfortably at the end of the kitchen counter, hair still damp from the rain.

"Almost done," promises Dan. "Things have been a little …hectic around here."

Meghan nods. "Marcia told me about Ernest. How is CeCe holding up?"

"Oh, you know, she's CeCe," he says, slightly grateful that he can take the easy way out with his agent. "But, uh, I'm working on it. The book, I mean. I think some of the main things I have to deal with are character consistencies so I've sort of drawn up this… process? I don't know, it's helping me –"

He falters as Blair steps into the kitchen.

"Don't worry, Humphrey, I'll be gone before you know it," she says, rolling her eyes at his (presumably) panicked expression.

"Hi," Meghan says stiltedly.

Blair smiles with what appears to be perfect friendliness, but Dan can tell she's gone to that cold, cutting Queen B place. "Hi, I'm Blair," she introduces herself as she opens the fridge. "I'm a friend of Dan's from New York."

"I'm Meghan Muirs, Dan's agent," is the equally pseudo-friendly reply, and he definitely catches Meghan's recognition of the name Blair. Dan's sure the name has come up several times between the sisters in the aftermath of his and Marcia's breakup.

"Oh, Meghan! I've heard lots about you," Blair replies. Her voice is a high, clear-ringing bell and he almost winces.

"I've heard quite a bit about you, too."

"Well, I have to get back to my daughter," she says, extracting the bottle of formula from the fridge, "But I hope to see you again."

"Likewise," Meghan agrees with a fake smile. As soon as Blair is out of the kitchen she turns to Dan with raised eyebrows.

He sighs. "It's not what you think," he tells her. "We're not… she's staying here while her divorce goes through, that's all. Just as a friend. She was having a really rough time of it in New York with her husband, and… I mean, nothing's going on."

Meghan gives him a condescending look to rival CeCe's usual countenance. "That's an awful lot of excuses for nothing." Dan opens his mouth to explain further, but she cuts him off. "Look, it's your life, Dan, and maybe I'm just biased but you ended a perfectly good relationship in exchange for whatever amount of nothing this is. And if this is the 'hectic' you were talking about then it's not just hurting you, it's hurting your career, and that directly affects our working relationship."

"It's not," he insists. "Blair is… she's the whole point of writing. There's been an adjustment period, that's all."

She purses her lips but says nothing more on the subject, instead returning to safe things like word counts and monthly fees.

.

Nate calls Dan, a call he wasn't expecting.

"Are you going to yell at me about letting Blair stay here?" he asks bluntly after the pleasantries and family news have been exchanged. "Because Chuck already beat you to it."

Surprisingly, Nate laughs. "I don't think you're _letting_ Blair do anything. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something else."

"Okay… what?" Dan says, thrown off balance.

"Serena and I have been sort of seeing each other – I mean, you know we hooked up when we were visiting you, and we've just kept… doing that. But uh, lately she's been avoiding me and saying stuff like how she doesn't want to lead me on, or something, and I…"

Dan's stomach drops. "Oh. She, uh, she said that?" his advice to her before she and Nate left is apparently going the wrong way.

"Yeah," groans Nate. "And I mean, I went into this thing with no expectations of her, and I _told_ her that, but I don't know how to get her to see that."

"Do you want more?" this feels extremely awkward on fifteen different levels.

"I dunno, man," he sighs. "I guess, well, I've always loved Serena in one way or another, but… most of the time I spent in love with her she spent in love with you."

Make that twenty different levels.

.

The rain stops, finally, and on the first warm sunny day Blair spends the entire day by the pool. She's dressed Maggie in an adorable little bathing suit, and adorned herself in a one-piece that recalls the 1960s. Dan honestly can't look away for too long, it's the barest he's ever seen her.

"No calls today," she says as their lunch is brought to them at the poolside. "I want to enjoy the sunshine."

Dan should be inside, writing, but this seems more important. Especially if Blair and Maggie have to leave in two weeks' time. He takes her hand and holds it for as long as she lets him.

.

Wes stops by a few days later, insisting they watch the Dodgers game on television since nobody bothered to get tickets. At first Dan is hesitant about this, since he's technically only paying James, but Wes reassures him that this is strictly for the love of the game.

They have beer, and potato chips, and other delightfully middle-class snacks (Dan can't believe how long it's been since he's had a pretzel) and Wes can't say enough times how much he enjoys the large HD screen in the entertainment room – and thankfully doesn't comment on the baby play area in front of them.

About halfway through the second inning, CeCe comes in. Dan's fully expecting her to make some snotty comment about the entire set up but it seems she will always continue to surprise him. She sits down heavily next to Dan, digs her delicate fingers into the bowl of greasy chips, and starts making observations about statistics and winning streaks and it's really, really bizarre. Wes and CeCe get into a heated argument at one point about the likelihood of the San Francisco Giants defeating the Dodgers, a conversation Dan stays wisely silent about.

Blair doesn't come to visit at all, and Dan finds that he's not at all upset by it. Especially since that night she crawls into bed with him again.

.

"_I don't find you entertaining," said Henry, snatching his book away. He hugged it to his chest like a childhood toy._

_She only smirked at this and made to shut the door._

_Something about the conversation was unfinished, though, causing Henry to push the door back so hard that it swung wide and bounced off the wall. Jessica's eyes were wide and full of surprise – and possibly even a little fearful. He tried to pretend he did not regret this._

"_Why this book?" he asked, and shook the tattered thing emphatically. "Why _Notre-Dame de Paris?_ It's stupid –it's not a first edition, and it's not even a favorite of mine."_

"_First of all, you sound like an ass when you speak French," she told him, "And secondly, if it's not a favorite of yours why do you get so pissed off whenever I steal it?"_

_Henry glared. "It's mine, and you're stealing it. I really don't think I need to justify myself." He couldn't explain, to this woman of all people, that his ratty old copy was the very first thing his father had given him when he's returned from his academic sojourn in Nice, and he couldn't justify his need to always say the title in French:_

"It's the language the story was written in," said Peter as he ruffled the hair on Henry's head. His hand had seemed so endlessly large at the time! "The translations are all well and good, but the heart and soul of language, that was Hugo's very own, and he was French, and you will read it in French."

"_You broke into _my_ apartment – at least I have a key to yours," said Jessica. She wore that irritatingly smug smile, the one that said she would find a way to win this argument no matter what so fighting her was merely an exercise in futility._

_It enraged Henry to see her victorious like that when she had no right. A wave of unwarranted anger rose up inside him, spilling out of his ears and eyes and nose until he could only see red. His hand moved up, poised to slap her, to hit her, to wipe that expression off her face – but what happened was not that._

_What happened was as his arm swung, his fingers found their way to her hair and twisted, and with his fistful of locks he tugged Jessica to him and kissed her._

.

Dan reads over that passage over and over again, wanting to remove something or change it – he's not comfortable with the idea of hitting anyone like that.

Well, maybe Chuck.

But the point is, he wants to write something more _expansive_ and explosive than these lines can give. He wasn't satisfied with this part for the first draft, but no comment was made to help him improve it by anyone so either they liked it or were reluctant to be honest about it with him.

It was just that… well, he finds resonance in the idea of a kiss as a brutal act. Dan has never done such a thing but it feels right for the same reasons it feels wrong.

This story _might_ just be too dark for him now, like, all the misery he felt about Blair and Chuck and himself, and everything that had ever happened to any of them, it doesn't need to heal anymore and this editing process is only bringing him down.

Dan made a promise to Meghan though, so he puts his attentions back to revising this draft.

.

Hours and hours later, into the early hours of the morning even, Dan feels himself finished. He goes to the very front of the printed manuscript and crosses out the first two words of his proposed title. _No Evil Angel_, it reads now.

He stumbles towards his bed and collapses on top of it, not bothering with the sheets.

.

There's a loud shriek that reverberates all throughout the house.

Dan jerks violently at the kitchen counter, spilling his coffee everywhere and nearly breaking the mug. Some of the hot liquid gets on his thin pajama pants and he leaps up from the stool, stumbling backwards as if he could move away from the scalding heat and letting out a yell of his own.

Lucinda rushes in with towels to mop up the spill, tossing one to Dan as she does so. He's mildly impressed with how calm her face is even as she moves with lightning speed.

"Blair?" he calls up the stairs. He makes his way to her room, wincing every other step. Fuck, if he got burns from this he would actually have to kill her.

Before he reaches the landing, Blair appears in front of him with a wide smile.

"They've called it off!" she exclaims delightedly.

"Called what off?" Dan is confused and honestly, he's pretty irritated at her right now.

"The trial! Dr. Truman spoke on my behalf to the judge and he had the case thrown out. I'm not going back to New York!"

His irritation left him in that one second, and Dan bounded up the last few steps to grab Blair and swing her around in a tight hug. He can hear himself saying things like "that's amazing!" and "I'm so happy for you!" but his happiness is entirely selfish, because after having Blair with him for a few short weeks Dan can't imagine being without her again.

Eventually he puts her feet back on the ground and steps back just to see her radiant smile. She's never looked so happy.

On impulse, Dan leans forward and kisses her, his hands on her hair (god, he loves her hair).

Kissing Blair Waldorf is a rush. Dan realizes he's never kissed her before – she's only ever kissed _him_. He's never initiated it. Which is stupid, because this is wonderful. Her mouth is warm and giving and Dan can feel her smile remain. Her arms come up to wrap around his neck and pull him even closer.

Dan comes to himself when (through the haze of all his excitement) Maggie's faint, unassuming gurgles reach his ears. He pulls back and drops his hands firmly to his sides, noticing with some amusement that Blair mirrors his stance almost exactly.

"I… I'm sorry," says Dan awkwardly.

"I'm not," Blair shoots back, crossing her arms now.

"I didn't want to, until the divorce was through –"

"Well, Dan, it's not," she snaps, looking thoroughly annoyed. "Knowing Chuck, it's going to take a long, _long_ time for this divorce to be finalized. Unlike Louis, Chuck won't be glad to let me go. So your plan is to… what, exactly? Live with me in your house, in your _bed_, and do absolutely nothing?"

He opens his mouth before realizing he doesn't have anything to say.

Blair rolls her eyes. "You know what your problem is, Humphrey? You're a wimp. You say it's about morals and shit, but I'm legally separated! Nothing I do with my personal life has anything to do with Chuck, nor his with me. And even if it _wasn't _legal, I'm already divorced where it counts."

"It counts in a court of law…" mutters Dan.

"Ugh, shut up! You're just scared that I'm going to leave you, or something, and it's stupid because you already left _me_ and I'm still standing here." Blair's tone is absolutely frustrated, but her eyes are terribly vulnerable, the kind of vulnerable that hurts to look at and leaves you feeling raw.

Dan can't think straight when she looks at him like that.

Blair takes one small step forward. "Just kiss me already," she orders. "We were doing fine before your little freak out."

"I just…" he falters, and carries on. "I have this irrational fear that Chuck has private investigators watching us through the windows, and the second I kiss you or do _anything_ with you he'll know about it and then kill me and you and me again just to make sure –"

"Humphrey," Blair interrupts. "There aren't any windows on this landing."

He glances around and sees that she's right.

"Oh." Dan clears his throat. "Well, then… I believe someone called me a wimp, and I'll have you know that Humphreys are anything but."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Prove it."

He smirks and moves forward to kiss her again, but Maggie begins to cry before their lips have a chance to touch.

Blair sighs and heads up the second flight of stairs, and Dan calls after her, "I'll prove it later."

.

_No Evil Angel_ goes out the next day, with Meghan's eternal thanks and promises to never rush him again (a promise Dan completely doubts).

It's like saying goodbye to an old friendship, one that you aren't sad about ending. Which isn't to say the experience wasn't valuable, or meaningful; writing this novel was cathartic and necessary and to say otherwise would give the entire process less than it deserves.

But Dan finds he no longer _needs_ this book in his immediate life anymore. His work with the characters is done, the story is finished, there's nothing much left to do but let it go.

.

It feels… a little immoral to kiss a married woman. Blair insists little immorality is good for the soul which sounds an awful lot like bullshit but he'll take it.

That's all they've done, just kisses here and there, whenever they can manage it.

Dan feels like he's sixteen again. Both he and Blair are too busy with Maggie to find any real quality time alone for sex, let alone the new novel he's working on and her nonstop calls to New York. And truthfully, he doesn't mind in the slightest.

The relationship he's had with Blair has been… fluctuating and inconsistent, to say the least, but it's always stood firmly in friendship no matter what he felt or they admitted to. Adding this physicality and open romance is new and different. Dan doesn't quite know how to relate to Blair on this level.

This isn't to say he doesn't like the experience, he does, but he's discovering her all over again and the last time he "met" Blair Waldorf it involved a public wrestling match and plausible deniability and way too much information about Blair and Chuck's sex life. Caution is key.

Still, he can't quite bring himself to complain when Blair makes her occasional stay in his bed a nightly ritual.

.

The weirdest thing happens when Dan gets back from a day with James, Wes, and Kyle.

Serena and Blair are sitting at the kitchen counter, eating salad and talking about the latest Hollywood flicks.

"Um… hi," says Dan, announcing his presence awkwardly.

Blair looks up and smiles. "Dan! Serena's here!" she stretches out her hand (the one not holding the fork) and gestures for him to come closer.

"Yeah, I caught that." He's unsure of what to do in this situation and reluctantly takes Blair's hand. She is anything but reluctant, however, and pulls Dan to her side for a brief kiss. Dan doesn't know if he should feel bad for kissing Blair in front of Serena, if there's anything to feel bad about anymore, or if he's just walked into some alternate reality.

"I had to come see Blair Waldorf in California," admits Serena (Dan catches her use of "Waldorf"), a twinkle in her eye. "It just seems like a comedy waiting to happen."

Blair pretends to look insulted. Dan tries to relax into her side, wrapping an arm around her waist for lack of anything better to hold onto.

"It's good to have you back," says Dan. "I know CeCe will be glad to have some more family around. Or… I think she will."

"Oh, she'll be fine," Serena waves this away.

Dan turns to look at Blair when Serena returns to her salad. There's a tense look in her eye that Dan is sure matches his own.

.

TBC

.

A/N: To be clear, I actually don't think of Chuck as a villain in this story. Not even a little bit. The difficultly of writing from a singular POV is that, well, other characters aren't fully realized. I like Chuck as a character and find him completely fascinating. What I don't like is his relationship with Blair. Separating the two can be difficult since the writers have somehow molded Chuck and Chuck's love for Blair into one person, so here's my flimsy fanfic attempt at separating them. Also: you guys are awesome, as per usual ^_^


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